


Growing Pains

by GayMarauders (orphan_account), orphan_account



Series: Growing Pains [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Trans Male Character, Trans Remus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-03-21 17:09:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 39,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3700400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/GayMarauders, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fifth year brings a lot of changes for the Marauders. Sirius's hair is longer, Remus is taller, and half of Hogwarts seems to be head over heels for each other. But with misunderstandings, suppressed feelings, and a war just around the corner, will anyone be able to find a happy ending?<br/>Edited version of an RP by siriusyoulittleshit (Sirius) & gaymarauders (Remus)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which The Marauders are Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs meet for the fifth time at Platform 9 3/4, and the usual hijinx ensue.

Sirius stood on his tiptoes, earnestly looking over the sea of witches and wizards bustling around Platform 9 ¾ for his friends. Summer in Grimmauld Place had been much too long, and he was eager to be back in more pleasant company. Next to him, with her well-coiffed head held high, Walburga Black shot him a disdainful look.

“Don’t rubberneck, Sirius,” she said waspishly, “it’s common.”

Rolling his eyes at his mother’s words, Sirius continued to search for his friends. His grey eyes lit up when he spotted Remus, and he immediately made a beeline for the other boy, happy to leave his mother’s side.

“Remus!” he called out, waving to the werewolf. “Hey!”

Remus’s head shot up the instant he heard his name, and he turned just in time to see Sirius’s dark head bouncing through the crowd toward him. A rare grin spread across his face, and he stuffed the ticket he had been holding into his back pocket in preparation for the inevitable tackle-hug he knew would ensure. Remus turned quickly to his father, who was standing a few feet away and conversing with the Longbottoms.

“Bye Dad, I’ll write you tonight!” He barely listened for a response before he turned back around and made off through the crowd, his small trunk bouncing off his leg as he wove through the oddly-clothed witches and wizards on his quest to collide with his friend.

Sirius eagerly pushed his trunk along, bringing it to a stop before abandoning it and (predictably) tackling Remus. He laughed happily, burying his face in his friend’s neck. The werewolf smelled unfairly good. Reluctantly, the pureblood pulled back enough to look the taller boy in the eyes, giving him a big smile.

“Hi,” he said warmly, grey eyes sparkling.

“Hey,” Remus laughed, stumbling back a few steps to regain his balance. He had to tilt his head down slightly to look into his friend’s grey eyes, which was new. He knew he had grown over the summer, but it was off for someone with such a large presence to be so much smaller than him. The only thing about Sirius that had grown was his hair, which hung down over face, obscuring his familiar features.

Suddenly he realized that he had been staring at Sirius for a while.

“You need a haircut,” he said, to break the silence.

Sirius looked scandalized at the suggestion, placing a manicured hand over his heart in mock indignation.

“These glorious, flowing locks? I’d sooner die,” he said dramatically, flipping his hair. “Besides, my mother _hates_ it. That’s motivation enough for me to grow it out until it hits the bloody floor.” He winked at Remus before looking the other boy up and down. “Looks like my hair isn’t the only thing that grew over the summer,” Sirius teased, trying to keep from showing just how much he was enjoying the effects of the other boy’s growth spurt.

Remus blushed slightly and shifted awkwardly.

“I’m not _that_ tall,” he insisted. Honestly, he almost wished he had stayed short. It was disconcerting looking down on all of his friends, and height brought unwanted attention with it.

“Awww, is Mr. Moony feeling shy?” he teased, poking Remus in the side. “I’m sure all the eligible girls and boys at school will be chasing after you now.” Sirius grinned, nose crinkling in mirth.

“How was your summer? Did you see James?” He asked, changing the subject. For some reason he didn’t want Sirius’s eyes on him like that for much longer—probably just more self-consciousness from his sudden growth spurt.

The dark haired boy’s eyes went stormy at the mention of his summer, averting his gaze. “Nah,” he said, feigning lightness. “Couldn’t get away.”

Remus felt himself flush when Sirius mentioned being “chased after,” and he willed his face to go back to normal as quickly as possible. He knew from experience that once he started blushing, it was nearly impossible to stop—especially with boys like Sirius and James around to make sure it continued as long as humanly possible.

“That’s a shame. Did he send you as many letter about Lily as he did me?” Remus asked, determined to carry on a normal conversation. Even the tips of his ears were hot—Sirius didn’t usually manage that without some more explicit comments.

Sirius brightened at the change of topic, grinning at Remus.

“Oh, yes. Oodles of them,” the pureblood said with a laugh, grey eyes twinkling with mirth. “Bloke’s bloody hopeless.” He chose to omit the fact that he himself had sent James jest as many letters detailing his feelings for the werewolf standing in front of him.

Raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at Remus’s flushed cheeks, Sirius’s lips curved into a crooked smile. “Why so red, Moony? Have I grown even more handsome over the summer?”

Remus felt himself go a shade darker—was that even possible?—at Sirius’s question. In truth, he _had_ gotten fitter over the holidays; his face was somehow more defined, and although Remus knew the shadow in his eyes came from living under his abusive mother’s roof, it gave Sirius a kind of gravity that suited him perfectly…not that Remus cared, of course. He might be queer, but he had promised the moment he came out that his friends were the furthest things from his mind as far as “people I find attractive” went, and he would stick to that til his dying breath. Fortified by this last thought, he grinned impishly down at his friend.

“Handsome? I don’t know…more annoying, certainly. Perhaps a bit shorter…” He laughed a bit at this last one, barely jumping out of the way in time to miss Sirius’s playful blow in response.

“Oi!” Sirius protested with a pout, “you know, I’m beginning to question your taste. I’m quite the specimen!” For good measure, the dark haired boy gave Remus his puppy-eyed look, looking up at him through dark lashes.

_Fuck,_ Remus thought, _not the puppy dog eyes._ He could feel his face returning to normal as they settled into their familiar repartee, though, so he raised an eyebrow and cocked his head, feigning thoughtfulness.

“A specimen of _what,_ though?” He asked.

“Pure sex,” Sirius purred playfully, winking at Remus. “Studies shall be done on my sexiness. I shall be remembered in history for it.”

“Ah yes, Sirius Black: Nymphomaniac Extraordinaire,” Remus laughed.

“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, Remus,” Sirius said loftily, tossing his dark hair haughtily over his shoulder. “It’s not easy being so roguishly handsome. You should be able to relate,” he teased.

“Discussing Padfoot’s career plans, I take it?” A short, stout figure appeared behind Sirius, a grin splitting his face beneath blonde fringe.

“Ta, Pete, the pureblood said, nodding to the shorter boy. “We’re not discussing my future career plans, sadly. Moony is just bitter because he’s so much taller now and he can’t see my divinely beautiful face very well from all the way up there.”

Peter looked appraisingly up at Remus.

“I bet,” he said thoughtfully, “If you climbed on my shoulders, you could almost make eye contact.”

Remus rolled his eyes dramatically, sighing at his friends’ antics.

“Will you lay off it already? I’m not _that_ tall. And besides, you’d never be able to balance for long enough.”

Sirius laughed, nudging Remus playfully.

“You know we’re only teasing because we love you, right?” he asked with a wink. “If we stopped, you’d think we didn’t care anymore.”

Remus smiled, and he could feel a pleasant warmth fill his chest as he looked at his friends.

“I love you too, even if you _are_ a bit daft.”

Sirius’s stomach did a little flip-flop despite himself. Before he could reply, however, he was suddenly tackled from behind by James Potter. The long-haired boy immediately started rough housing with his best friend, the two boys laughing happily. Remus smiled idly as his friends acted like a couple of ten-year-olds, falling back into familiar patterns before the school year even started. He and Peter exchanged an amused glance.

“Hey, Remus,” James said amicably, his head captured by Sirius’s arm. “Have a nice summer?”

“Not too bad,” Remus said. His hand went instinctively to the cuff of his shirt, tugging it down to cover a new scar he had obtained during a particularly lonely full moon when his parents neglected to restrain his hands—paws?—properly. “I’m glad to be back, though. Not much mischief to get up to at home.”

Sirius’s heart ached as he caught Remus’s movement, but tactfully didn’t mention it.

“Well, don’t worry Moony my dear, there will be _plenty_ of mishief to get up to at Hogwarts,” he said, releasing James.

“That’s right,” the bespectacled boy agreed with a grin as he attempted to fix his hair, but only succeeded in making it even messier. “I’ve got big plans for this year, boys. Big plans.”

“Do these plans include a certain red-headed Prefect?” Peter said doubtfully, “Because I’m not sure I can handle much more of your pining.”

“Maybe we can turn that energy to something constructive,” Remus joked, “Like finding a way to plant something nasty in the Slytherin Quidditch robes?”

“Speaking of Prefects, I wonder who will be sharing the honour with Lily this year?” Sirius asked, looking around curiously for someone with a silver badge.

Remus coughed slightly and bounced on the balls of his feet a bit, surreptitiously sliding his right hand into the pocket of his tattered jacket to finger the smooth silver badge that he had tucked away before he arrived. He’d been dreading this moment.

“Er…I’m afraid that would be me, actually.” The other three Marauders gaped at Remus, shocked.

“Oh, Moony!” Sirius said dramatically, throwing his arms around the taller boy. “Say it isn’t so! What have they done to you?”

Remus tensed up at the sudden contact, then gave over and matched Sirius in his antics. _If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em_. He clutched at this friend and looked over at James through imaginary tears.

“They’ve—they’ve—“ he choked, “They’ve made me… _a responsible person._ ”

“No!” Sirius howled theatrically, holding Remus a little tighter. “Oh, Moony…we’ll avenge you! I solemnly swear it!”

Remus could barely breathe, although that was probably just because Sirius was squeezing him so hard, and he was already binding to begin with. He shook his head and turned away dramatically.

“Alas, it is too late! I am lost to the side of Good!” he desclared. Then he dropped character suddenly as a thought struck him. “You won’t mind this, will you?” He asked earnestly. “I mean, I’ll have a lot of patrolling and things to do, so I won’t be able to spend as much time with all of you. And I think Dumbledore expects me to…make you behave, or something. I might not be a very good Marauder anymore.”

“Nonsense,” Sirius said bracingly, pulling away just a little bit to properly look at Remus again. “You’ll just have to be sneakier. And give me the password to the Prefects’ bathroom, of course,” he added with a wink.

“Yeah, you’re not going to be rid of us that easily,” James piped up, and Peter nodded vehemently. Remus blinked hard as he looked around at the three boys, each dearer to him that the last—Peter, who tried so hard to make sure no one was unhappy for long; James who had taken him under his wing the moment they met, on this very platform all those years ago; and Sirius, who ”secretly” pranked anyone who gave Remus a hard time, who used half his allowance one month to buy him a magical binder to replace his old muggle one, who could raise his spirits with a single phrase and a wink of his stormy grey—wait. What was he thinking about? Oh, yes.

“You’re a bunch of bloody idiots, you know that?” He said, disengaging from Sirius. “Now let’s go find someplace to sit before all the good compartments are taken.” Sirius grinned, grabbing Remus’s hand and tugging him towards the scarlet train.

“C’mon, then, boys! Let’s go!”

Remus was happy to allow himself to be dragged along, and he smiled as he and his friends raced to the train’s door, his bag mercifully light.


	2. In Which Boys Are Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Lily, who is not amused by Sirius's antics.

Sirius squeezed Remus’s hand before reluctantly releasing it once they arrived at an empty compartment. He lifted his and Remus’s trunks into the overhead before claiming his seat and patting the one next to him.

“C’mon, Mr. Prefect. You’ll need to sit close to me if you’re going to keep me in line, he said suggestively, ignoring James’s snort.

Remus closed the door to the compartment and glanced at Sirius briefly before returning his flirtation in kind. After all, if wasn’t as if it meant anything.

“That’s true…I may even have to sit _on_ you!” He purred, plopping down onto Sirius’s lap. “And the rest of you, behave or I’ll have to do this to you too…” The look of horror on Peter’s face sent James into a paroxysm of giggles.

Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus’s waist, cuddling him happily.

“Mmmm…I’ll accept my punishment graciously,” he teased. “You’re such a kind and caring disciplinarian, Moony.”

“If this is what my new powers get me, they might not be so bad,” Remus mused, chuckling. Peter made a vague retching sound across the compartment, and James covered his friend’s eyes with his hands.

“Please, not in front of the children!”

“Oh yes, feel free to punish me any time you like,” Sirius purred in Remus’s ear, nuzzling his hair and pointedly ignoring James’s exasperated look at his complete lack of subtlety. Remus shivered as Sirius’s breath warmed his neck.

“I—er—um—LILY!” Remus cried, catching sight of his friend’s auburn curls through the compartment window. Lily turned toward the sound and looked at him disapprovingly as she pushed the door open.

“What exactly am I walking in on here, Rem?” She asked, taking in the rather suggestive scene before her.

“Oh, you know,” Sirius said breezily, offering Lily a bright smile, “just boys being boys.” The look that Lily shot him clearly said that she didn’t believe a word.

James stared in awe of Lily, and Sirius dearly hoped that when his friend opened his mouth, he wouldn’t say anything stupid, for once.

“I see…well, Remus, if you can bear to tear yourself away, we’re due in the Prefects’ compartment soon.” Lily pointedly ignored the uncharacteristically silent James as she looked expectantly at Remus.

“Er—yes. Good. Just let me—“ Remus rambled as he attempted to untangle himself from Sirius, finally lurching to his seat and practically launching himself out the door.

Sirius watched after Remus as he left with a small sigh. His feelings for the other boy were just getting deeper and deeper, and he wasn’t sure what to do about them. James managed to sputter something about Lily’s hair looking particularly gorgeous today a full minute after she had left, and Sirius and Peter laughed at his expense.

“Oh, shove it,” James groused, crossing his arms over his chest. “As if you’re not just as bad, Sirius.”

The long haired boy flushed, showing James two fingers in retaliation.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I can at least speak to the object of my affections,” he quipped, ignoring the confused expression on Peter’s face.


	3. In Which Lily is Quite the Poet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily may be his number one shipper, but Remus is far from convinced.

Several hours later, Remus found himself fiddling with his Prefect badge as he and Lily walked behind a long line of First Years, Fabian Prewett shouting directions at them from the head of the line.  
“Come along now, please! Watch your step on these stairs, they tend to wobble bit—“ Remus looked up just in time to see the ginger Head Boy nearly tumble off the staircase, causing Lily to snort.  
“Our fearless leader, everyone,” she muttered loud enough for Remus to hear. He grinned, then shushed a nearby first year who made a similar comment.  
“When do we get to go to our dorms?” He asked his friend, “Sirius and the rest will be waiting for me.”  
Lily raised an eyebrow, a knowing grin curving her lips.  
“Speaking of Sirius,” she said in a conspiratory tone, “why were you in his lap when I came and fetched you from your compartment?”  
“It—er—seemed appropriate, At the time. You sort of had to be there…Lily, stop looking at me like that! It was perfectly innocent! What are the chances Sirius even likes blokes? And besides, he’s my mate. It’s not as if I’m attracted to him or somehting.” Of course not. Of course he wasn’t. Sirius was attractive, sure, but wasn’t attracted to him. There was a difference, after all.  
Lily laughed prettily, shaking her head at Remus.  
“Oh, please. I see the way you look at him. And more importantl, I see the way he looks at you.”  
Remus’s heart stopped for a moment, as he tried to remember that fleeting moment in the compartment. Sirius hadn’t looked at him any differently than ever, had he?  
“Lily, we’re talking about Sirius. He look at everyone like he wants to shag them. That’s just who he is. And he never means anything by it, anyway.” He did his best to look disinterested in the entire discussion, although the thought of Sirius looking at /him/ that way made him feel…odd. Uncomfortable.  
“He doesn’t look at me like he wants to shag me,” Lily argued, tucking a red curl behind her ear. “Besides, that’s not the look that I’m talking about. It’s not exactly an “I-want-to-shag-you’ look, it’s more than that…” she trailed off, tapping her lip thoughtfully with the pad of her index finger before finding the right words. “It’s like he looks at you like you’re the sun…”  
“Oh, now you’re just making it up. You should have been a bloody poet,” Remus said grumpily. There was no way anyone looked at him ‘like he was the sun.’ At best, he was the moon that watched him ominously through the window every month. “Anyway, of course he doesn’t look at you that way, James would—“ he blanched as he realized what he was about to say and quickly changed it—“James would never let him live it down. You being such a nice, bookish prefect and all. Which, incidentally, is what I am as well.”  
Lily rolled her eyes, nudging Remus playfully with her elbow.  
“You boys are so obtuse sometimes, honestly,” she complained. “I might not be Black’s biggest fan, but it’s obvious he’s mad for you.”  
“Right,” Remus said sarcastically. They had finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, and he paused for a moment to help Lily into the Common Room. “Well, I’d better get back to my secret admirer, then. I’ll see you at breakfast, Lils.”  
Lily sighed, giving Remus a quick hug before pulling away to give him an appraising look. “Alright, Remus. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. But I’m still sure that I’m right. Black is absolutely mad for you.”  
"And I'm still sure you're absolutely mad." Remus began mounting the stairs before he looked back over his shoulder, and found Lily staring after him thoughtfully. "Goodnight, Lils!"  
"Goodnight, Remus," Lily called after him before turning and climbing up the stairs to the girl’s dorm.


	4. In Which Sirius Sleeps Rather Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius sleep together.

“Remus!” Sirius said happily when he saw his friend enter the dorm, sitting up in his bed like a happy puppy seeing his owner. “How was your fuddy-duddy Prefect meeting?”

Remus smiled at his friend as he flopped down onto soft bed, groaning in relief at finally being off his feet for what seemed like the first time since the incident on the train.

"Fine," he said. "McGonagall set up our patrol shifts, told us to behave ourselves, gave us the bathroom password, then sent us on our way with the first years." He closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth and quiet of the dorm and trying not to fall asleep then and there.

"Patrolling with _Lily Evans_ ," James said in awe. "You lucky, lucky bastard." Sirius rolled his eyes before moving over to Remus’s bed, flopping down beside him.

“Just be sure you don’t let this dash the Marauders’ spirit from you, Moony,” the long haired boy said with a laugh.

"Why, Padfoot, you insult me!" Remus cried in mock-offense. "I would never allow this institution to tear me from my friends, to make me abandon my ideals..."

Sirius grinned, taking Remus’s hand and squeezing softly.

“Glad to hear it.”  
  
“Patrolling with _Lily Evans_. _At night. Alone_ ,” James was babbling, staring at Remus with envy.

Remus smiled at Sirius, squeezing him back.

"James, would you shut up? If you like Lily so much, just _talk_ to her!" Their fingers interlocked comfortably and Remus shifted a little, moving so he could rest his head on Sirius's shoulder.

"Or, you know, try spending a little time on your studies, and maybe she'll notice you when you're actually able to answer one of Slughorn's questions," Peter piped up, looking over from his place on the bed near the window.

Sirius sighed happily, snuggling close to Remus. “But Moony, that would get in the way of Prongs acting like a complete and utter arse in front of Evans,” he pointed out, rubbing his thumb over the back of Remus’s hand.  
  
James glared and threw his dirty sock at Sirius, who laughed and tossed it to the floor.

"Stop it, you two! There will be no dirty socks in my bed," Remus admonished sleepily. He yawned softly, trying vainly to resist the exhaustion that was settling in. "I think I need to go to sleep now...Don't get up to too much trouble tonight, alright?"

Remus summoned his pajamas from his trunk, then stood up to walk to the bathroom.

Sirius frowned slightly as Remus pulled away, reluctantly getting up and moving over to his own bed, picking up James’s sock again on the way and throwing it at his face. “Way to go, James.”

"Oi! What did _I_ do?" James exclaimed as Remus disappeared into the bathroom. Peter drew the curtains around his own bed, making it abundantly clear that he had had enough of any and all shenanigans currently taking place.

Sirius rolled his eyes, shucking his own robes off before pulling on his pajamas.

“Remus and I were having a _moment_ and you ruined it.”

James looked skeptical.

"If that was a ‘ _moment_ ,’ then the two of you have been having them since second year," he declared. "You're always all over each other, Pads. If you want him to notice how you feel about him, you're going to have to use your words...because if you get any closer physically Pete and I will have to move out of here," he added, grinning cheekily.

"I’m waiting for the right time," Sirius said defensively, pulling his sleep shirt over his head. "I don’t want to scare him off, now do I?"

James rolled his eyes.

"We're talking about the boy who agreed to be your friend after you cut off his hair with a hex in first year. I'm not sure it's possible to scare him off."

Sirius flushed, checking that the door was still shut before replying.

“Still… What if he doesn’t feel the same way? I don’t want to make things awkward.”

James sighed and sat up in bed, turning so that he was looking directly at Sirius across Remus's.

"Sirius," he said somberly, "I think we've established that my heart belongs entirely, unequivocally, to Lily Evans. But if you weren't practically my brother, and I were a different person--a werewolf, perhaps, with an unhealthy chocolate obsession--even _I_ wouldn't turn you down." He laughed at the look on Sirius's face before adding, "And besides, you know Moony. He'd never let anything get between you two."

Sirius smiled weakly, looking wistfully at Remus’s bed.

“I know he wouldn’t,” he said softly. “I’m worried about me…”

"Worried?" Remus asked, opening the bathroom door and moving back toward his bed, "About what?" He pulled the comforter back and slipped underneath, smiling sleepily and wiggling around until he was comfortable. "Classes haven't even started yet, Pads. You've got plenty of time to figure out how to piss off all the teachers later..." he sighed, and his eyes slowly drifted closed. “Or are you worrying about how bloody cold it is in here? Because we’re going to have to do something about that at some point. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to-- _yawn_ \--sleep…”

Sirius smiled brightly at Remus, rolling with the taller boy’s assumption about the previous conversation topic.

“You’re right. Mischief is always managed better after a full night’s rest.” He paused for a moment to consider his next move, sitting on the edge of Remus’s bed. “I can sleep next to you, if you like. It’s not like we haven’t been doing it since first year.”

Remus felt his heart thump harder for a second, but he took a deep breath and reminded himself that Sirius was right; they had always shared beds, all four of them, it was perfectly normal.

"That would be lovely. You're always unnaturally warm, you know," Remus said, scooting over to make room for his friend.

Sirius smiled, happily getting under the covers with Remus and snuggling close to him for warmth.

“Mmm… Well, what kind of person would I be if I didn’t share my warmth with you, hmm?” he asked lightly.

"A _siriusly_ selfish one," Remus laughed, sighing a little at the comforting warmth. _See, he's just being nice, nothing more, no 'looking at me like I'm the sun,'_ he thought, trying to quiet the tiny Lily who had taken up residence in his head a few years ago and was now raising her eyebrow at him.

He leaned his head against Sirius's shoulder once again and finally allowed himself to succumb to sleep.

"'Night, Padfoot."

"G’night, Moony," Sirius said with uncharacteristic tenderness, holding the werewolf close as he took solace in his presence. "I missed you over the summer, you know… I’m happy to be back…"

"Me too," Remus said quietly. And if Sirius himself was most of the reason he was so happy to be back, well, that was only natural. They _were_ best friends, after all.

Sirius smiled softly, nuzzling Remus’s neck.

“I always sleep better next to you,” he confessed quietly, eyes slipping shut.


	5. In Which Our Heroes are 40 Minutes Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius oversleep; James will take the blame.

Remus woke to find his arm numb from Sirius's weight atop it, and the blankets in a fluffy mass the covered them completely. He managed to shift the sheet far enough to peer over at Sirius's face, as peaceful as he had ever seen it. Biting his lip, he slowly worked himself free of his friend's sleeping body and pushed back the blankets, blinking in the sudden sunlight.  
Wait...sunlight? Shouldn't it still be dark? Remus glanced at his watch, which he had left on the table beside his bed. 9:43.  
"SHIT!" Suddenly he was jumping out of bed, sleeping companion forgotten, casting about for his shirt as he hopped about the room, pulling his trousers on two legs at a time. "Sirius, we're late! Class started forty minutes ago! SIRIUS!"  
Sirius groaned, annoyed by the rude awakening. Irritably, he pulled a pillow over his head, grumbling, “Go back to sleep, Remus, I’m comfy…”  
"FORTY MINUTES, SIRIUS!" Remus bellowed, dragging him from the bed and shoving the nearest shirt into his hands. He grabbed him by his upper arms, trying not to notice the muscles that flexed a bit in response, and shook him none too gently. "I am meant to be a PREFECT, Sirius! Now move!" Sirius groaned, groggily pulling on the shirt.  
“Fuck, why do they have to start classes so bloody early… And why didn’t James or Pete wake us up?! Bloody tossers…”  
"Come on, Sirius, now is not the time to assign blame!" Remus grabbed both of their book bags and took his hand, running out the door and down the stairs at record speeds.  
"Remus!" Sirius called out after him, tugging his trousers on, "you’re not wearing trousers, you git!"  
"Wha--but I was ju--" Remus looked down in confusion, and found that his trousers were still around his ankles. He hiked them up hastily and pulled the zipper, nearly falling down the rest of the stairs as he did so.  
Sirius helped Remus up, taking his bag and tugging the taller boy towards the door.  
“C’mon, Moony, let’s go! What class are we to be in?”  
"Er...it's...DADA, I think?" Remus grabbed onto Sirius to steady himself as he tried to remember their schedules. "Yeah, definitely DADA. So it's not too far away."  
"Well, let’s hope the professor this year isn’t an arsehole," Sirius said bracingly, pulling Remus along.  
"I think our lives may depend on it today," Remus managed to pant as they raced down the hall. "But at least being late means we're sure to be partners."  
"I’d be your partner anyways," Sirius said earnestly as they ran. "I love being your partner. It’s ace."  
"You just like being my partner because I help you with your homework," Remus teased as they reached the door to the Defense classroom. "Well, here we are. Ready for another year?"  
"That’s not the only reason," Sirius grumbled, cheeks pink. "I suppose we should do this, then," he said with a sigh, looking at door. "We’re just fashionably late. It’ll be an entrance."  
"Great, that's the impression I want to make my first day as Prefect," Remus grumbled, but he couldn't help laughing a bit. Sirius did have an affinity for this kind of thing.  
"We can always say that we were late because I was causing some kind of mischief and you were just doing your duty as Prefect," Sirius suggested with a grin. "That wouldn’t be something any teacher here would have a hard time believing…"  
"I'm not going to throw you under the bus just to get out of a detention," Remus said seriously, turning to his friend. "If one of us gets in trouble, we both will. It's only fair." He suddenly realized that they were still holding hands, and he gave Sirius a squeeze. "Come one, we'll be in more trouble if we get caught dawdling out here."  
On impulse, Sirius leaned up and pecked Remus on the cheek before dropping his hand and putting it on the door.  
“Ready?”  
Remus blushed slightly, and decided that it would be safest just to nod, rather than actually trying to speak. He does that with everyone, he's just my friend... he thought. His hand felt a little cold as they walked into the Defense room.


	6. In Which Remus is Thoroughly Snogged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's really not what you think.

Sirius smiled at the new professor, taking a bow.  
“Sorry we’re late, Professor,” he said loudly, confident. “Won’t happen again.”  
Remus thought that he could hear James snort in the back of the room, but he was distracted by Lily, who was grinning at him smugly from her seat in the front row.  
"I assume you're Lupin and Black, of Gryffindor House?" The instructor was a tall man, with a shiny bald head despite being only a few years older than them. "I'm Kings--er--Professor Shacklebolt. Dumbledore brought me in for the year to teach until he could find a rea--um, someone older. Anyway, Lupin, why don't you sit over there, by Miss Evans, and Black, I think there's an empty seat in the third row."  
Remus looked regretfully at Sirius before moving toward Lily, who took her bag from the chair next to her and patted the seat.  
Sirius glowered at the new professor before reluctantly trudging to the empty seat. All of that and now he didn’t even get to sit by Remus. What a waste.

Lily discreetly passed Remus a note, reading:  
“So what were you and Black up to that made you so late? Something sexy?”  
Remus rolled his eyes.  
"Of course not. We just overslept. He pulled the blankets up over us and I didn't see when the sun came up."  
Lily's face lit up with barely-suppressed glee.  
"You were in bed together?!" She whispered.  
"Well--I mean--it was cold. We didn't do anything."  
"I don't know, it would explain a lot. Like the hot bedhead look he's rocking...and the fact that he's wearing your Pink Floyd shirt."  
Remus glanced back at Sirius, only to realize that he was indeed wearing his shirt.  
"We had to get dressed quickly, ok? It doesn't mean anything. Friends share beds and clothes and stuff all the time."  
Lily gave Remus a skeptical look, one eyebrow raised.  
“But did you want something to happen?” she pressed.  
"I--of course not!" Remus hissed. "Now shush, I'm trying to learn!"  
Lily giggled quietly, smirking at Remus. “Are you sure?” she teased.

Sirius glared at James, crossing his arms over his chest.  
“Why didn’t you wake us, you prat?” he hissed. “Forty minutes late!”  
"I tried, mate," James said, his voice only slightly apologetic. "I poked at you before I went to get dressed, and I thought you and Remus were already gone when I left. You must have been under that pile of blankets. Do I even want to know what you were doing under there, by the way?" He looked slyly at Sirius, raising an eyebrow impishly.  
Sirius blushed, elbowing James.  
“Nothing. We didn’t do anything. We just slept…” The pureblood would be lying if he hadn’t imagined doing more with Remus on numerous occasions, and James knew that more than anyone.  
Sirius's protestations only made James smirk more.  
"Someone sounds bitter," he teased.  
Sirius huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Has Evans spoken to you yet, or does she still think you’re beneath her?” he shot back, taking satisfaction as his friend’s face turned red.  
"I'll have you know that I am working on a plan that ends with us married with several children. It's just taking longer than expected," James replied huffily. "And at least I don't spend half my time flirting and hanging all over her and the other half pretending to be straight." It was clear from his face that he regretted this pronouncement the moment he said it.  
“I do not pretend to be straight,” Sirius hissed, narrowing his eyes at James. “If people assume I’m straight, then that’s their business. But I don’t pretend to be anything.”  
"Er--I know, I'm sorry," James said, his voice shaking a bit as he realized that he had hit a tender point with Sirius. "I just...maybe if you came out, not making a big deal or anything, but if you just...told everyone, or someone, you'd have a bit of an easier time with Remus? For all you know he's only acting like he isn't interested because he thinks you aren't into blokes."  
Sirius fell silent, considering for a moment.  
“…Maybe you’re right,” he said with a sigh. “I mean, I should at least tell Remus and Pete. But as far as telling the school, well…if my brother or cousins found out, I’d be dead and it’s not really anyone else’s business…”  
"Of course not. But you know Rem and Pete wouldn't care at all, and even if Moony doesn't like you back it's not as if he'd mind having another queer person in the group," James said reassuringly.  
Sirius sighed, nodding in agreement.  
“I suppose… I just don’t want to make things weird between us. I sort of…kissed him on the cheek before we came in here,” he admitted, cheeks pink.  
"Fuck, Sirius, are you kidding me?!" James blushed a bit himself in sympathy with his friend. "I can't believe he hasn't figured it out on his own by now. Although I suppose it's your own fault; you're always snogging people under the mistletoe and all, so he probably just thinks kissing is another of your bad habits. I swear, the two of you will be getting married 'for the tax benefits' before either of you breaks down and actually says anything." He sighed in exasperation and turned his attention back to the board, where Shacklebolt was drawing a rather complicated diagram.  
Sirius flushed, sniffing indignantly.  
“You’re s’posed to snog people under mistletoe, that’s the rule,” he said defensively as he began to take notes. “…Do you really think he might like me back?”  
"No, Sirius," James said sarcastically, "I think you're the only person he lets into his personal space on a regular basis because he loathes you. I think he does half your homework for you because you're such a huge fucking pain in the arse--which you are, by the way. And I think that he lets you kiss him when it's months away from mistletoe season because you're so incredibly ugly. Now move your arm, I can't write with it there."  
Sirius flushed, elbowing James once for good measure before moving his arm.  
“He’s just comfortable with us,” he said softly. “It doesn’t necessarily mean that he feels the same.”  
"If you want proof, wait till the end of class in ten minutes," James said, mischief glinting in his eye. "Until then, move your bloody arm!"  
Sirius looked at James, eyes wide in horror. “Prongs, what do you mean by that?” he demanded. “What are you planning?”  
James refused to answer, his only response a small, self-satisfied smile.  
Sirius paled, looking horrified.  
“James. James, whatever you’re doing, stop it. I’ll do all your homework for a week–no, a month!”  
"Tempting...but I think this will be worth it. You're not that great at homework anyway," James replied as the period ended. He gathered up his things and strode to the front of the classroom, where Lily and Remus were deep in conversation about whatever the lesson had been about. Smiling broadly, James turned to wink at Sirius, then sidled up to Remus.  
"Remi! So you finally woke up," he said in an overtly cheerful voice. "We missed you at breakfast." Before Remus could respond, James leaned over and gave him a loud, sloppy kiss on the cheek, wrapping one arm around his neck as he did so.  
"What the FUCK, James? Get off me!" Remus cried, stumbling backward over his chair as Lily looked on in confusion.  
Sirius groaned in second-hand embarrassment, shaking his head and covering his face with his hand. James was such an idiot sometimes.  
"Sorry," James said. "I guess I just...misjudged our friendship..."  
Remus somehow managed to look confused, apologetic, and disgusted all at once.  
"I shouldn't have yelled at you, James...it's just, you know me—I’m not really comfortable with...contact with most people, you know? It's got nothing to do with you."  
"Right. I understand. Some people you feel comfortable with touching you, and some you don't. We've all got our preferences, mate," James said, looking slyly at Sirius as he hit 'touching' a tad harder than was absolutely necessary.  
Sirius glared at James, his face beet red. That tosser. He gathered his bag and stomped over to Remus, taking his things as well.  
“C'mon, Remus, before Prongs decides he wants to snog you again,” he grumbled.  
"I'll see you later, Remus," Lily said, biting back a giggle. "Let me know if you need me to save you from your bickering suitors."  
Remus glared at her, wiping his cheek on the sleeve of his sweater as he followed Sirius out the door.  
“Are you okay?” Sirius asked as they walked down the hall, chancing a look at Remus. “He didn’t upset you, did he?”  
"What? Oh, no, of course not. James just forgets about boundaries sometimes, it's alright." Remus reached out to take his bag from Sirius, but somehow ended up grabbing his arm instead. "Oops--er--I was just--my bag," he stuttered, suddenly finding it very important that he make it clear that Sirius's well-muscled arm was not his intended target.  
Sirius smiled, handing Remus his bag.  
“It’s okay,” he said reassuringly. “If you like, I can hex him,” the pureblood said eagerly. “You just say the word, and it’s done.”  
"Oh yes, that's just what we need--a Marauders Civil War," Remus scoffed, releasing his hold on his friend as he hoisted his bag onto his shoulder. "Thanks, but I think I can defend my honour myself. Not that you wouldn't make an excellent Knight in Shining Armour," he added teasingly.  
Sirius chuckled softly, cheeks turning slightly pink. “Well, I’m no Sir Cadagon, but I suppose I’d do in a pinch,” he teased, winking playfully at Remus.  
"I was thinking more of a Lancelot, actually, though I wouldn't make a very good Guinevere, so I suppose it's just as well I'm not in the market for a knight," Remus mused, trying his best to ignore Sirius's wink. _It doesn't mean anything._  
"Well, this is my next class--see you at lunch?" Sirius nodded, reluctant to leave.  
“Yeah… I’ve got Divination. Save me a seat?”  
"Of course, Sir Sirius!" Remus smiled and turned to open the door to the Runes classroom.  
Again, on impulse, Sirius leaned over and pecked Remus on the cheek before walking quickly away, heart pounding in his chest.  
Remus sucked in an unsteady breath as Sirius leaned in, heart speeding up at the sudden proximity. He barely registered the kiss until Sirius was halfway down the hall.  
"The three of you are going to get Mono if you aren't careful, you know." Remus nearly jumped out of his skin as he turned to see Lily standing behind him, hands on her hips. "I have this class with you too, but I thought you might want some privacy. After you, Lady Guinevere," she said, holding the door open and smirking at Remus's mortified face. _I have got to get better friends_ , he thought as he walked into the classroom.


	7. In Which Sirius is Not Besotted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and James devise a plan which will almost certainly make an arse of Sirius.

Sirius berated himself all the way to the attic, cursing under his breath. “So stupid,” he muttered. “Why did I have to kiss him again?”  
  
“Well, he didn’t push you away, now did he?” James asked smugly, startling the long haired boy. “I think it’s pretty clear he likes you, yeah?” James smirked at Sirius's surprised look.  "You didn't really think I'd just kiss one of my best friends and not follow behind to see how it all turned out, did you? Oh, Sir Sirius, please snog me senseless!" He exclaimed, his voice a grating falsetto. "Bloody disgusting, you two."

Sirius’s eyes narrowed, glaring at James. “That’s not what happened,” he protested, crossing his arms across his chest. “He was just being…Remus. He was acting completely normal.”

"Have you ever considered that 'completely normal' for Remus is being utterly besotted with you?" James panted as they climbed the stairs to the Divination room. "I certainly can't remember what our conversations were like before you started mooning over him, if you'll pardon the pun."

“C'mon, he’s not besotted with me,” Sirius scoffed, cheeks pink. “I’m the one mooning over him… He’d probably be offended if I told him how I felt, and it would ruin the entire relationship we have…”

"Whatever you say," James sighed. "Come on; maybe the tea leaves will tell you you're meant for each other. They're bound to be right sometime."

“…Do you really think I should tell him?” Sirius asked, looking vulnerable. “Do you honestly think I have a shot?”

James heard the change in Sirius's voice and turned back to look at him, one hand on the ladder to the Divination room.

"Look...it's really up to you, Pads. I just think that you're miserable hiding it from him, and I can't really know if he likes you, but it would be better to tell him and have it over with, wouldn't it?" He looked at Sirius sympathetically before clapping him on the shoulder. "Maybe just start by coming out, and see how he takes it."

Sirius took a deep breath and nodded.

“Right. Right, I can do that… I’ll do that. Tonight? Or would that be weird?”

"I'm not sure it gets much weirder that repeatedly kissing your best mate, Pads," James replied. Sirius flushed, climbing up the ladder and claiming his seat.

“I’m an idiot,” he sighed. “He’s going to put two and two together as soon as I tell him I’m queer…”

"If he hasn't figured it out by now, I'm not sure that he will, honestly," James laughed. "Good luck, though. Do you want me to be there for it?"

“Merlin, no!” Sirius said, cheeks flush. “I don’t want anyone else to witness me making a complete and utter arse out of myself!”

"Fair enough. Let me know when you're going to do it, and I'll clear out. Maybe go get caught doing something highly illegal by a certain Prefect..." James waggled his eyebrows ridiculously, breaking the tension.

“That is if she doesn’t think you’re bent after watching you kiss Remus,” Sirius said with a smirk, chuckling at his shocked face.

"You don't think--she wouldn't really--shit, what was I thinking?!" He cried. "The things I do for you..."

“Hey, I didn’t ask you to kiss Remus, you know,” Sirius pointed out, smirking as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Maybe not, but you must admit it was enlightening," James insisted as he clambered into the classroom.

Sirius nodded, getting out his own textbook and settling in. “Right… I mean, it’s not like he’ll react poorly. It’s not in his character.”

"Of course not. Now hold out your hand, I want to do a reading on how incredibly gay you are," James quipped, opening his palmistry guide.

“Ha ha,” Sirius deadpanned, holding out his palm. “How clever.”

James hovered over Sirius's hand for moment before making a startled sound and checking the book once again.

"You think I'm joking, but look at this: according to the Guide, you'll make a confession to someone dear to you, and then...there's something about a handsome friend--I'll say that's Remus, although you've clearly got more than one--and then..." he stopped suddenly, swallowing. "Well, it looks like betrayal, but you know this is all bullshit anyway."

Sirius blinked, looking startled at his own palm. “‘Betrayal’? Where does it say that?” he demanded, searching the lines.

"Just there...it's probably nothing though, honestly, when has anything in this class been true, Pads? Pads. Sirius. Calm down, you twat. I'm sure you'd never betray anyone." James took his friend's ominous palm in his hands and looked straight into Sirius's eyes. "It's not real magic, mate. Nothing's going to happen."

Sirius blinked when he spotted a square on his life line.

“Oi! This means that I’m going to prison!” he exclaimed, eyebrows raised. “Merlin’s beard, I don’t have a lucky hand at all, do I?”

James laughed.

"See? What did I tell you, nothing to worry about. You may be up to no good, but somehow I can't imagine you doing anything bad enough to get you sent to prison. A few fines, or some community service, maybe..." Sirius laughed, lightening up.

“True, that,” he said with a chuckle, reaching for James’s hand. “Oooh, James, your heart line says you’re in for a rocky love life…”

"Of course it does. Does it say who that love life will be with, though?" he asked hopefully.

“Your right hand,” Sirius quipped, ducking James’s fist with a laugh. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding!”

“Fuck you, Black,” James said. Unfortunately, Professor Psyloci chose that moment to pass by their table.

“Such language is not auspicious for your future in this class, Master Potter,” she said breathily. “Ten points from Gryffindor.”

Sirius tried and failed to hide his smile, chuckling at James’s expense.

“No thanks, James, my heart belongs to another, I’m afraid.”

James looked exasperated, flipping through the Guide once again.

“Would you look at that? It also says you’re a bloody twat,” he shot back, laughing.

The dark haired boy let out a barking laugh, enjoying winding James up. “You make it far too easy to get a rise out of you.”

“Oh, shut up, you,” James said exasperatedly, smacking Sirius with his book. “Only two classes left until lunch, by the way. Think you’ll be able to make it through without kissing a certain werewolf friend of ours?”

Sirius glared, cheeks pink. “You’re the one that practically snogged him, you know. But yes.” Just a few more classes… A few more classes and Sirius would tell Remus he was queer. Piece of cake...right?


	8. In Which Sirius is "Good with a Broomstick"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, there's no more kissing in this one!

Remus was feeling completely wretched by the time he reached lunch. In the rush to get dressed that morning, he had completely forgotten to pull on his binder, and he hadn’t had time to go back to the dorm between classes. Thankfully Peter had lent him an oversized sweater, so no one had noticed yet; but he still felt nervous around the younger students and other houses, who weren’t aware of his “girly little problem,” as James had said at the beginning of first year. Real wordsmith, that one, he thought exasperatedly as he clutched a large textbook against his chest. None of the other Marauders had arrived yet, so the seats beside and across from his were conspicuously empty.

Sirius and James entered the Great Hall, laughing and joking as they made their way to the Gryffindor table. The long haired boy’s heart skipped a beat when he spotted Remus, walking faster so he could claim the seat next to the other boy.

“Hey, Remus,” the pureblood said brightly, resisting the urge to kiss him for the third time that day. He couldn’t help but want to; Remus was adorable when he wore oversized sweaters, even if it was Peter’s. “How was Ancient Runes? Boring and stuffy as usual?”

“Well...yeah, honestly. I thought there’d be a bit more interesting historical stuff and a bit less syntax,” Remus said, removing his bag from the chair on his other side so James could sit down. “How about Divination? Any damsels in distress waiting out there for either of you? Or maybe murderous fiends?” He had been in Divination for a few days the year before, but immediately quit when he was informed by Professor Psyloci that he had an ‘elevated Luna mound’ on his palm. No amount of arguing from his more Divinely gifted Ravenclaw friends could convince him to return.

“Just the usual betrayal and imprisonment,” Sirius teased, leaning his head on Remus’s shoulder. “Always knew I was a bad boy.”

“Mmm,” Remus agreed, swallowing a mouthful of bread. “You need a nice leather jacket and combat boots to go with your attitude, though. The whole British Schoolboy vibe doesn’t quite fit.” It felt good to be sitting here, talking about classes with two of his best friends. Any feelings he might or might not have for one of them would just have to be suppressed, he thought. There was no way he would give up these easy, friendly moments for anything; and besides, Sirius flirted so much that it was more than enough to satisfy any dark corner of his brain that might want something more.

“I reckon I’d look right sexy in a leather jacket, don’t you, Moony?” Sirius asked, grinning at Remus playfully. “I could get one of those Muggle whatsits. A mono--no, motorbike. I’d make such a pretty picture. Who could resist?”

“Certainly not me,” Remus said, his voice only half-serious. “A motorbike would suit you. The Nimbus 500 of the Muggle World, they are.”

Sirius’s heart skipped a beat at Remus’s words. _Come off of it,_ he scolded himself, snuggling closer to the taller boy. _He’s just teasing you like always. No need to get so excited over it._

“Well, if that’s how you get your rocks off, you can feel free to ride with me any time,” he said with a wink. “You know, I reckon I could get a motorbike that flies…”

“That’s bloody unnatural,” James cut in, shaking his head. “Flying motorbikes. What’s wrong with a nice, well-charmed broom? Can’t play Quidditch on a motorbike. Which, by the way, you’re doing this year. I’m Captain, as I may have mentioned before”--he had--“and our best beater graduated last year. So you’re up.”

Remus turned nervously to look at Sirius, dislodging his head from its place on the Prefect’s shoulder. He knew Sirius was good at Quidditch, but he had avoided trying out so he wouldn’t have to go up against Regulus, who was Seeker for Slytherin.

Sirius’s grey eyes went stormy, tensing.

“I dunno, James,” he said slowly. “Why not give Peter a go? He’s been waiting ages to get on the team.” It wasn’t that the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black didn’t want to play Quidditch, but his relationship with his brother was polite at best, and between Quidditch practices and Prefect duties, he would have even less time with Remus.

James looked like he was about to say something he would regret later, so Remus jumped in as tactfully as he could.

“Sirius, why don’t you give it a go? At least try out...you can always be a stand-in until James can find someone better.” He glanced at his friend, trying to gauge his reaction but gleaning very little information from his cold grey eyes. “And besides, those robes would do wonders for your arse,” he added, winking.

“I’ll do it,” Sirius said immediately, cheeks pink from Remus’s comment about his arse. If it got the other boy fantasizing about him, he’d do it.

“Oh, so when I ask, it’s no-go; but all he has to do is mention your arse and you’re sold. Narcissistic much, Pads?” James groused. Remus laughed.

“You just have to know the way to a bloke’s heart, Prongs. Food for Peter, Quidditch and Lily Evans for you, and--apparently--his own derriere for Sirius.” A quick tousle of Sirius’s hair accompanied this last comment, and Remus couldn’t help but notice how soft it was sliding between his fingers. _Fuck, what did I decide?? No fantasizing about my friends,_ he berated himself. Not that he was fantasizing. Just...appreciating.

“Excuse you, Moony, I’m doing this for the benefit of mankind!” Sirius said, placing a manicured hand over his heart in mock-offense. “It would be absolutely selfish of me to deprive the student body of my pert and shapely arse. Think of all the joy I can bring our fellow students!”

Remus tried very hard not to think of all the joy Sirius could bring fellow students. He found that imagining Professor McGonagall playing rugby quite did the trick.

“Oh yes, you’re a blessing to us all!” He gushed, wrapping his arms around Sirius’s neck and fluttering his eyelashes in a rather good imitation of one of James’s more ardent fans. “Would you sign my broomstick after your first game, please?”

“Oh, I’d sign your broomstick any time,” Sirius purred, giving Remus bedroom eyes. Next to him, James snorted into his pumpkin juice. The long haired boy kicked his shin under the table.

“I’m sure you would, Stud,” Remus said, mouth going dry as he realized the double entendre he had mistakenly uttered. _Leave it to Sirius to turn everything I say into a dick joke_.

Sirius smirked, winking at Remus. 

"What can I say? I know my way around a broomstick.”

Remus froze for a moment, processing. _Did he just say...he knows his way around...no. He must have meant--he couldn’t possibly--no. Of course he isn’t_. Suddenly he was finding it very difficult to keep up all this empty flirtation.

Sirius frowned slightly at Remus's lack of a reaction. Had he taken the joke too far? He didn't want to make the other boy uncomfortable. "Alright, Moony?" he asked, concerned.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” Remus responded automatically. “I should go up to the dorm, grab my...thing...before the next class. I’ll see you later.” He disengaged from Sirius and grabbed his bag, making a hasty exit from the Great Hall.

Sirius bit his bottom lip as he watched Remus go, heart sinking. Had he gone too far? He mentally cursed himself. He shouldn’t have been so stupid. Now he’d made Remus uncomfortable. What was he going to do now? Should he still tell Remus that he was gay?

 

 


	9. In Which Peter is Rather More Observant than One Might Think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius surprises Peter with some old information.

Once he found himself in the relative safety of the fifth year dorm, Remus sank onto his bed and let out a slow, even breath. The problem with Sirius, he thought to himself, was that he was _too_ straight. He could say things that made Remus crazy without a second thought, because it meant nothing to him. Remus sighed and sat up, summoning his binder from his trunk and pulling off Peter’s sweater. He was immediately freezing, but he felt bad stealing his not-very-well-off friend’s clothes, so he left the sweater neatly folded on Peter’s pillow and made his way back down the stairs to the Common Room.

  
Meanwhile, Sirius and James were finishing their dinner in the Great Hall.

  
“You don’t reckon I offended him, do you?” he asked earnestly, for what was probably the twentieth time. “Should I put off telling him? Give him some time to...I dunno...get used to the idea?”

  
“Sirius, if you don’t tell him and stop moaning to me about this, we’ll use you as target practice with the bludgers at tryouts tomorrow. Just follow him up when he goes to do his homework after dinner and tell him, alright? Pete and I’ll go to the library or something.”

  
Sirius raised an eyebrow, eyes wide in shock.

  
“You? In the library? Why, I never thought I’d see the day!” he teased, playfully shoving James’s shoulder before sobering. “...Okay. I...I’ll do it. Tonight. Just...wish me luck?”

  
“Good luck, mate,” James said earnestly. “Pass the sausages?”

  
Sirius rolled his eyes and obliged. “And here I thought I was the only one who liked sausage,” he joked. (done)  
“I swear to god, if I hear one more gay joke out of your mouth, I’ll--oh hey, Pete. Siddown, they’ve got sausages today!” James exclaimed, holding up his plate in welcome.

  
“Yes, apparently James is a fan of sausages as well,” Sirius piped in, laughing as he ducked a punch from his best friend. “Okay, okay! That was the last one, I promise!”

  
Peter looked at them as if he were aware there was some part of this conversation he was missing, then apparently gave up and reached for a sandwich from one of the nearby trays.

  
“Where’s Moony?”

  
“He went to the dorm,” Sirius said, his laughter subsiding. “Maybe I should go after him. Check and see if he’s alright?”

  
“Why wouldn’t he be?” Peter asked. “Full moon’s still two weeks off, and it’s not as if there’s been enough time for anyone to try picking on him, has there? He’s probably just knackered after all his Prefect duties yesterday.”

  
“Yeah… I suppose that’s probably it.” Sirius said with a nod, although he didn’t look entirely convinced. “Oh, and by the way, Pete? I fancy blokes.”

  
Peter spluttered and nearly spat out his pumpkin juice, coughing so hard a passing sixth year had to slap him on the back.

  
“Are you alright?” James looked on with concern. “And you’d better not tell me you’ve got a problem with it; we’re all fine with Remus so--”

  
“Problem? Who said I had a problem? For that matter, who said I didn’t already know?” Peter looked indignant. “I”m not a complete dimwit, you know. Sirius, you’re not exactly subtle; you’ve even checked out _my_ bum on occasion. I’m fairly certain the only people who don’t suspect it are the girls you haven’t turned down yet.” He took a large bite of sandwich before continuing. “It’s just a bloody nice way to tell a person, isn’t it? Right in the middle of lunch? I could’ve choked to death.”

  
Sirius pulled a face.

  
“I have never checked out your bum, Pete! Out of the lot of you, I’ve only checked out Rem--I mean, I’ve never looked at any of your bums!” the pureblood said indignantly, cheeks reddening at his slip of the tongue where Remus was concerned. The last thing he needed was Peter spilling the beans the next time they all got drunk or high.

  
“Whatever you say, mate. But I do have to ask--am I just imagining it, or do cheesy violins start playing whenever you and Moony are in a room together? Because if you cause any trouble with him, James isn’t the only one who’ll cast a nasty hex for a friend, you know,” he said, puffing himself up a bit ridiculously.

  
“Why would I want to start trouble with him?” the long haired boy said defensively. “I’m just as protective of Moony as you and James are! I would never hurt him on purpose!”

  
“So you do like him,” Peter said smugly, licking his fingers clean and wiping them on a napkin. “Well, I wish you the best of luck. Our Moony’s not exactly the most...aware person in the world. He wouldn’t know flirtation if it danced naked in front of him in the middle of Charms, and with the way you two’ve been carrying on the past few years, well...good luck.”

  
Sirius face burned as he narrowed his eyes at Peter.

  
“So what if I do like him?” he retorted. “Moony’s wonderful. I’d be stupid not to like him! Right, James?” the pureblood asked, turning to his friend for backup.

  
“Sirius, for once can’t you leave me out of this? I love you, I love Moony, and I’d be perfectly happy if you were together, but I’m not going to say you have to. Now come on, lunch is almost over and we’ve all got Charms next,” James said exasperatedly.

  
Sirius huffed, finishing off his lunch before grabbing his school bag.

  
“I’m going to find Moony,” he said haughtily. “At least he appreciates me.” With that, the dark haired boy walked grandly out of the Great Hall towards Gryffindor Tower.


	10. In Which Remus Enjoys Smelling Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus really should stop wearing his friend's clothes.

Remus took a seat in the back row of the Charms classroom, plopping down tiredly in the corner and hoping that Peter or James or Lily would arrive first and take the seat next to him. He loved Sirius, but all their flirting, if you could really even call it that, was suddenly feeling dangerous and exhausting, and the pureblood also had a nasty habit of blowing things up with misdirected charms. 

“Moony!” Sirius said brightly, happily plopping down in the seat next to the werewolf. “Feeling any better?” 

“Er...yeah, a bit. Bit chilly in here, though,” he commented, trying his best to stay away from anything Sirius could turn into an innuendo. After all, what could he possibly do with the temperature? 

Sirius bit back a comment about a few choice ways he could warm Remus, changing tack.

“D’you want my sweater?” he offered, smiling warmly as he pulled the article out of his schoolbag and holding it out to the werewolf.

“Oh, yes, please, thank god! I felt bad stealing Pete’s sweater but I’m always so damn cold in this drafty castle…” Remus pulled the proffered sweater over his head and took a deep, satisfied breath...which was a truly awful mistake. The smell of wet dog, cigarette smoke, and something unidentifiable filled his nose and he had to shut his eyes for a moment, overwhelmed. It was like Sirius had been distilled somehow, and he was breathing him in...and there was no way anyone thought things like that about their friends. 

Sirius couldn't help but think how cute Remus looked in his sweater, smiling at how the sleeves stopped at his forearms instead of sitting on the wrist. The werewolf had really grown tall over the summer, and it made the Animagus's stomach do a little flip flop. There was something deeply gratifying about having to look up into the taller boy's eyes. It just made him sexier somehow.

"Better?" he asked.

“Much. Although I could do without the wet dog smell,” Remus teased, snapping out of his reverie at the sound of Sirius’s voice. 

Sirius pouted, pretending to look wounded.

“And here I thought you liked Padfoot,” he said, dejected. 

“Of course I do, he just doesn’t exactly smell amazing, you know.” Remus was lying through his teeth. Padfoot smelled like safety, like long nights spent in the infirmary together, like Sirius’s hair after a pickup game of Quidditch that ended with a rainstorm. But he’d never tell Sirius that--he’d probably just think Remus was daft, and besides, he thought enough of himself as it was. Best to keep letting him think he reeked to the high heavens, Remus thought. 

Sirius sniffed indignantly, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Well, I think Moony smells good," he said, chancing a look at Remus. 

Remus blushed and stared down at his paper, moving his dry quill aimlessly across it. The scent of Sirius’s sweater was still fogging up his brain, and he didn’t trust himself to respond. Instead he made a noise that he hoped sounded like a disbelieving snort, and carefully glanced over at Sirius. 

"You know, Moony," the pureblood said teasingly, "it helps if you dip the quill in ink first." 

“Oh, yeah, right…” Remus mumbled awkwardly, pulling a pot of ink from his bag and uncorking it. His hands shook a bit as he did so, and the ink splashed across his paper and hands. Cursing, he cast about for his wand. 

Sirius waved his wand elegantly and cleaned up the mess, looking at Remus in concern.

“Are you alright?” he asked, eyebrows pulled together. 

“Fine, why?” Remus asked, opening his mouth a bit so he could breathe without smelling his friend’s essence. _Fuck, I’m in too deep! When did Sirius bloody Black start making it so hard to function?_

The pureblood raised an eyebrow, gesturing to Remus as if it were obvious.

“You’re all twitchy. Did I do something wrong?” 

“What? No! Why would you think that?” Remus frowned, blowing a stray hair out of his face and turning to look at Sirius.

Sirius shrugged, cheeks flushing.

“Er, well… I thought maybe I’d offended you with my comments earlier… Or something,” he said, uncharacteristically awkward. 

“Oh.” _He must have remembered that I like boys, he must regret saying anything remotely flirtatious, we’re really getting too old for this anyway, I wish we were twelve again, no, I wish...I wish this damn hair would get out of my face. And also that he would kiss me._ This last thought was too much, and Remus instantly forced himself back to reality. “No, you’re fine, Padfoot, honestly. I don’t mind.” 

Impulsively, Sirius reached out and brushed Remus’s hair out of his eyes with a smile.

“Good. Just so long as everything is okay.” 

Remus shivered as Sirius’s hand ghosted over his forehead.

“Yep! Everything’s absolutely fine! Although your Charms grade last year wasn’t...let’s try paying attention this time, at least for the first class, yeah?” he said, nodding at the front of the classroom where Flitwick was standing atop his desk, swishing and flicking furiously. 

“Just because you got an ‘O’ and I got and ‘E’,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes and reluctantly paying attention to the lesson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Gentle Reader!  
> We are planning on 1 Chapter/week from here on out. We've been spoiling you with all these updates, & we're starting to run out of material! They'll most probably be posted on Saturdays, since this one was. No word on how long it will be, however; we're currently on Chapter 14 & haven't hit any of our planned turning points as of yet, so you're in for a long ride!  
> PS: How are you liking it so far?


	11. In Which Sirius Makes a Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius drops a bomb on Remus

Dinner that night was a festive affair, the entire Gryffindor table buzzing with excitement after the first day of school, and with Quidditch tryouts coming up. James smirked as he watched a gaggle of second- and third-year hopefuls gawking at him, winking at one of the younger girls and nearly causing her to faint.

“Careful, James, what will Evans think if she sees you flirting with all those athletes?” Remus teased. 

James shrugged, chuckling softly. “Well, I have to make sure that she knows I’m not bent after DADA today,” he reasoned.

Sirius’s heart was pounding in anticipation, palms sweaty. In just a few minutes, he would be telling Remus he fancied blokes. _Merlin_ , he wished that he had a few shots of firewhiskey in him right about now. 

“Everything alright, Sirius?” Remus asked, touching his arm. He’d been a bit distracted, but he could always sense when Sirius was in an odd mood, and there had definitely been something building all day. 

Sirius swallowed and took a deep breath, steeling himself. "Actually...can I talk to you? In private?"

Remus felt his stomach drop about a mile and swallowed hard. _Oh Merlin, he knows, he knows and he’s going to tell me just exactly how hopeless it all is, Merlin what have I done, how could I fancy Sirius of all people?_

“Sure.” 

The long haired boy offered Remus a smile, taking his hand.

“Can we talk in the dorm?” he asked, uncharacteristically nervous. _Get it together,_ Sirius, he mentally berated himself. _It’s just Moony. He’s not going to react poorly._

“Alright.” Remus squeezed Sirius’s hand lightly, sensing that he needed some sort of reassurance. _Something is wrong,_ he thought nervously. _I hope it doesn’t have to do with his mother…_ this thought dispelled the previous one, and he was suddenly filled with concern for his friend. 

Once they reached the dorm, Sirius shut the door behind them before releasing Remus’s hand. His heart was hammering in his chest as he turned to look at the werewolf, swallowing hard. “I… Remus, I’m… I’m bent,” he confessed, cheeks pink.

“You’re what?” Remus’s brain wasn’t registering words right now, for some reason. He stared at Sirius, trying to decipher some meaning by reading his light grey eyes and drawn brow. “I--I’m afraid I’m going to need you to repeat that.” 

“Bent,” Sirius repeated, biting his bottom lip. “As in, I’m queer. A shirt-lifter. A poof. I--do I need to go on?” he asked with a nervous laugh.

“You’re gay.” Remus only said it out loud so he could be sure that his ears were working properly, that this wasn’t some sort of strange, messed-up dream. “You...you’re gay?” He said again, this time with a hint of a question. This can’t be real. 

“Yes,” Sirius confirmed, shifting his weight awkwardly. “I’m...I’m gay.” 

“You’re gay.” Remus repeated dumbly. “So...yes. You’re gay.” _What does this mean? Why is he telling me now? Oh Merlin, he’s with someone. He’s going to tell me he’s shagging that bloke from the Ravenclaw Quidditch team or something. I’m going to have to be supportive. Brave face, Moony._ He hadn’t spoken for about a minute now, as he stood and stared at his friend’s face. 

“Yeah,” the dark haired boy said, biting his lip. “I… Is that okay with you?” _Fuck, he’s going to hate me,_ Sirius thought irrationally, struggling to keep his composure until Remus actually spoke. 

“Of course!” Remus blinked, surprised at Sirius’s apparent fear. “Of course it’s okay with me, why wouldn’t it be?” He stepped forward and wrapped his arms lightly around Sirius, dipping his head down so it rested on the shorter boy’s shoulder. “I don’t care whether you’re straight, or gay, or...whatever you are, Sirius. You’re my friend. Nothing could change the fact that I--I care about you, a lot. Alright?” 

Sirius sighed in relief, wrapping his arms around Remus tightly. “Thank you,” he breathed, burying his nose in the junction of his friend’s neck and shoulder. 

Remus sighed, breathing in the scent of Sirius’s hair--an odd combination of floral shampoo and cigarettes--before shifting slightly so he could turn his head and speak to him. _Might as well get this over with,_ he thought, bracing himself.

“Er...Sirius, I have to ask...is there a reason you’re telling me this now? I mean, is there...someone…” somehow he couldn’t quite bring himself to finish his sentence, so he trailed off and closed his eyes instead, waiting.

Sirius swallowed, almost confessing his feelings for the taller boy right then and there before thinking better of it. Better to ease into it, right?

“I… There’s someone, but I don’t… I don’t think I really have a chance, you know?” There. That wasn’t too revealing, was it? 

“Oh.” Remus felt his heart sink like a stone, and he pressed his face against Sirius’s shoulder. “Well...I know how that feels. I’m sorry.” _I can’t believe that there’s anyone you don’t stand a chance with._ Suddenly Remus felt weak, like this confirmation of what he had always known had sapped the last of his energy away. “Er...could we sit down?” he asked. 

Sirius nodded against Remus’s neck before reluctantly pulling away. “Sure,” he said quietly, his own heart feeling as if it was being held in an icy grip. Remus had feelings for someone? _Shit. Of course he does._ He pulled Remus over to his bed, sitting down close to him. “Better?” 

“Yeah.” Remus sat down gingerly, suddenly keenly aware of his proximity to Sirius. “So...do you want to talk about it? Like...how you realized, or, or something?” 

“Er,” Sirius said, looking shamefaced, “I guess I’ve sort of...always known? I mean, I’ve… I’ve had feelings for this boy for a really long time, so...that made me come to terms with it,” he admitted, hoping that either Remus wouldn’t be able to figure out that he was talking about him, or that the werewolf would figure it out and tell him that he felt the same way. 

“Oh. Well, I’m glad you...came to terms with it. There’s really nothing wrong with being queer, you know.” Remus could feel the disappointment building behind his eyes, hot and sharp. He bit his lip and looked down, willing himself to keep it together until he could at least find someplace private. Sirius was gay, and he had feelings for someone. Feelings so life-changing they made him come out. Feelings that meant Remus didn’t stand a chance. 

Impulsively, Sirius reached out and wrapped his arms around Remus, pressing close. “Thank you, Moony,” he whispered earnestly, “for being so great about this. I don’t know what I’d do without you. You… You’re my favorite person in the whole world, you know?” The pureblood decided to stop talking after that, worried he’d revealed too much. Maybe if he just continued to drop hints, he’d be able to find out if the other boy felt the same… 

Remus bit down a little harder, trying his best not to cry from the irony of it all. There they were, both queer, both available, best friends--and he was even Sirius’s “favorite person.” But none of it was enough, apparently.

“Of course I am, you tosser. Who else would sit down on a bed next to you after you told them you were a flaming homosexual?” he teased, forcing as much cheerfulness as possible into his voice. Hopefully the faint quaver at the end wasn’t noticeable. 

Sirius laughed weakly, pulling away so that he could look Remus in the eyes. Gently, he reached out and tucked a stray lock away from the werewolf’s eyes. “So you’re not going to kick me out of your bed if I have a nightmare?” he asked lightly, lips curved into a slight smile. 

Remus thought he might actually melt at the look Sirius gave him. _He trusts me so much,_ he thought, and somewhere a little part of him felt awful for ruining things by wanting more than this perfect, unlikely friendship.

“Of course not. Although if you make me late for class again, I can’t be held responsible for my actions,” he said, trying his best to smile back. 

Sirius leaned forward, resting his forehead against Remus’s. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he said softly, honestly. He wished he could close the distance between them and kiss the taller boy, but thought better of it. _All in good time if he actually likes you,_ the pureblood thought. _If you just rush into this like you do with everything else, you’ll mess it up for sure. And Remus deserves better than that._

“Well, I’d better go...homework, and all that,” Remus said, desperately attempting to extricate himself from this situation before he burst into tears. “See you in a bit?” 

Sirius frowned, hurt.

“I...sure. Sure, Remus,” he said quietly, reluctantly letting him go. _He probably figured out that I'm completely gone for him,_ he thought bitterly. _And he’s too polite to tell me that he’s not interested._ _I was an idiot to think otherwise…_  

Remus stood up and walked to the door as quickly as he could, blinking hard as he opened it and sped down the stairs. He found himself in the library a few minutes later, and collapsed into a chair in a relatively obscure corner, pulling his knees up to his chin and hiding his face behind them. _What’s wrong with me? It’s been one day since the Holidays and suddenly I’m pining over my best friend? I’m insane. The moon must finally have gotten to me, I’m completely loony...It was never like this before, was it?_  

Lily sat down next to Remus, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. “Hey… Are you alright?”she asked, tilting her head to the side, brow knit in concern. “Are you crying?” 

Remus flinched at the sudden contact, looking up at Lily before he remembered that he was hiding his face for a reason.

“No,” he said, rubbing the tears from his eyes with the sleeve of Sirius’s sweater. 

The redhead, frowned, gently squeezing Remus’s bicep. “Do you need to talk about it?” Lily asked softly, green eyes empathetic. 

“Talk about what?” Remus said obstinately, refusing to meet her gaze. “There’s nothing to talk about, is there?” _I’ve got no chance, it doesn’t matter. What’s the use of talking about it?_

“You tell me,” Lily said, crossing her arms over her chest and looking at him steadily. “Has someone been mean to you? Do I need to go hex anyone?”

“No! Nothing like that. I’m fine. Just…” Remus trailed off, not sure how to express the thoughts that were swirling around in his brain. “Lily, you can’t...you can’t fall for someone in two days, can you? I mean, that not how it works. You can’t just look at someone and suddenly want to--to snog them after years and years of not wanting to. It doesn’t make any sense.”  He leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes and trying to squeeze the last few tears out so he could be done. 

“If you’re talking about Black,” Lily said slowly, meeting Remus’s eyes steadily, “I don’t think it came out of nowhere.” She paused, gauging the boy’s reaction before pressing on. “I’ve thought you were gone for him since third year, to be quite honest. It’s rather obvious you both like each other as more than friends.” 

Remus sat up abruptly, tears forgotten in the shock of what Lily had just said.

“What--I’m not--he’s not--that’s not what I’m talking about,” he stuttered, intent on keeping up pretenses at all costs. “And what on Earth are you talking about, Lily? He does _not_ like me.” 

Lily rolled her eyes, sighing heavily. “Oh, come off of it. Black is _obviously_ in love with you. All the girls in Gryffindor think so. He’s always cuddling you and flirting with you, after all.” 

“Well, but--I mean--that’s just friend stuff,” he said lamely. “He’s like that with everyone.”

“He’s not like that with Pettigrew, or even Potter,” Lily said, one eyebrow raised. “And Potter is as good as his brother.” 

Remus paused for a moment, replaying Lily’s comment in his mind. “ _All_ the girls? Really? Haven’t you got anything better to talk about?” The idea of all the Gryffindor girls discussing his rather one-sided love life was not exactly a pleasant one. 

She flushed slightly in embarrassment, cheeks pink. “Well, we can’t help it if we notice the obvious in our classmates,” the redhead said loftily, nose in the air. 

“ _Obvious_. Right,” he said, sniffling a bit. “Well he just told me he likes someone else, so why don’t you gossips go pick on someone else?” He didn’t mean for it to come out as harshly as it did. The frustration of the day had been building for a while, and Lily was simply unfortunate enough to be there when the dam finally broke. 

Lily frowned, leaning closer to Remus.

“What exactly did he say?” she asked. “Tell me everything that was said and then I can help you determine whether or not you have a reason to feel sorry for yourself, alright? I think that’s fair.”

“I...alright,” Remus sighed, giving in. Once Lily had put her mind to something, there was no stopping her, and he knew that better than most. “But you can’t tell anyone that I told you this.” He leaned in, dropping his voice so only Lily would hear him. “He...erm. He told me that he likes blokes. And then I asked him if he wanted to talk about it, about...how he knew, or something. And he told me he knew because he liked someone, but he didn’t have a chance with him.” He leaned back again, feeling rather drained after reliving the conversation. 

“So,” Lily said, looking into Remus’s amber eyes steadily, “he never, at any point, said that he _didn’t_ like you. Just that he liked someone and that he didn’t think he had a chance with them.” 

“Well...yeah, you could put it that way. But he does have a chance with me, and rather a good one at that, so--” 

“And does he know that?” Lily pressed, eyebrows raised. “Did you _tell_ him that you’re mad for him? Maybe he’s just scared that you won’t feel the same way.” 

Remus snorted.

“We’re talking about Sirius, Lily. He once threw himself off the Astronomy tower to test a bouncing charm. If he liked me, there’s no way he’d be too afraid to tell me. He’d probably never shut up about it, actually.” He tried not to imagine scenarios where Sirius might confess his undying love to him. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll turn in for the night. It’s been a long day.” He gave Lily a quick hug before he left the library. 

Lily sighed, returning the hug before calling out after him, “Just try not to jump to conclusions, alright?” Honestly, boys could be _so_ obtuse.


	12. In Which Sirius Despairs (but not too much to play Quidditch)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has an obsession, and so does James...but James's wins in the end.

“Jaaaaammmeessss,” Sirius whined, flopping backwards onto his best friend’s bed. “It went terribly! He just ran off to the library! He doesn’t like me back, does he?”

“Sirius, I am trying to do my homework.” James looked up in exasperation, grabbing his inkwell just in time as his friend shook his bed with his crash-landing. His face softened when he saw Sirius’s expression. “What did he say?” 

"Well... He said he was alright with me being bent, but... I got really close to him and I didn't kiss him, but I really wanted to kiss him, and I think he knew that so he got all jumpy and ran off to the library," Sirius explained with a groan, rolling over so that his face was pressed into the bedclothes. "He _hates_ me!"

“I highly doubt that, Sirius,” James said, putting his schoolwork on his bedside table and scooting over so they were shoulder-to-shoulder. “...Did you actually _tell_ him you wanted to kiss him, Pads? Because you’re always ‘really close’ to him. It’s possible he didn’t even know.” 

"Well, no, I didn't tell him that, I was trying to take it slow, like you said," Sirius said into the sheets. "But our faces were only an inch apart, and I'd already kissed him twice today! How could he not know?" 

James sighed dramatically, resting a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“Sirius, this is Moony we’re talking about. I love him, but...he’s about as oblivious as they come. And he’s not exactly the most... _experienced_ person in school. Remember when Prewett was hanging all over him last year? The poor sod had no idea. Thought he wanted to copy off his homework!” James snorted derisively. “As if _Fabian Prewett_ gives a shit about his grades! ...Anyway, you see my point, don’t you?”

“James!” Sirius admonished, turning his head to glare at his friend, “we do not speak about Fabian Prewett in my presence! Moony can do much better than that tosser!” 

“So that’s a no on my point then?” James looked expectantly at his fellow animagus and received no response, save a small whimper. “Sirius, Padfoot, light of my life--you have to tell him if you want him to know. I’m telling you right now that he didn’t leave because he knew you wanted to kiss him, okay? He was probably just weirded out by all your hysterics.” He patted Sirius’s head lightly, then stood up. “Come on, we’ve still got an hour of daylight and we need to practice for Quidditch tryouts tomorrow.” 

Sirius sighed deeply, pouting at James. “I can’t practice Quidditch, Prongs, I’m in the depths of despair!” he moaned, covering his face with his forearm dramatically. 

James rolled his eyes, knowing that sympathy only encourage Sirius’s antics further.

“No despair is too deep for Quidditch,” he said firmly, taking Sirius by the arm and pulling him up. “Now _march_.” 

Sirius groaned, reluctantly dragging behind James. “But Prooooooonnnngssss,” he whined, “Moony won’t even be there to see how great my arse looks on a broomstick!” 

“Maybe not, but you know he never misses a match,” James countered. 

“That’s true,” Sirius agreed, grudgingly. “I don’t see why we can’t all just relax and spend time together… Quidditch season doesn’t start for a few weeks yet. That’s plenty of time.” 

“ _Plenty of time?!_ ” James sputtered, quickening his pace so they were practically racing to the Quidditch pitch, “What in Merlin’s name are you talking about? We’ve only got three weeks to get the team in shape! We’re adding three new players! Our first match is against bloody Ravenclaw, who won the House Cup last year! _Our honor depends on this_.” 

Sirius sighed, looking wistfully back at the way they came from. “If you say so…” He desperately wanted to talk to Remus and make sure that everything was alright between them. It wasn’t like the other boy to run off after one of his friends divulged something that personal, and it made Sirius feel uneasy. 

“I do say so. Now let’s go, we’ve got to get into shape if we’re going to catch the Prefects’ eyes, haven’t we?” James grinned, opening the door to the showers and heading for the closet where the equipment was held.


	13. In Which Remus is Definitely Not Watching Sirius's Arse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Lily take a quick trip to the Quidditch pitch, and disaster strikes.

Lily was surprised when, on her walk back from the library, she noticed Remus walking towards the Quidditch stands. Intrigued, she decided to follow him, gently poking the back of her friend’s back once she caught up with him.

“Fancy seeing you here,” she teased. “I thought you were going to bed.” 

Remus jumped, eyes widening at the unexpected sound of Lily’s voice.

“Er...fancied a bit of a walk,” he said shortly, looking at the ground briefly. 

Lily smirked knowingly, looking up to see Sirius flying around on his broomstick. “Mmm… And I suppose that doesn’t have anything to do with the view?” she asked lightly. 

“What view?” Remus asked innocently, glancing over at his friend. “You mean James’s arse? Because that’s not really my thing, if you know what I mean…although who am I to yuck your yum, I suppose?” he bit back a laugh at the look on Lily’s face. 

“Oh, ha ha,” Lily huffed, cheeks pink. So what if Potter did have a nice arse? His personality wasn’t nearly as nice as far as she was concerned. “I’m talking about Black.”

“I didn’t even know he’d be here,” Remus said. It was only half a lie; he’d known Sirius and James would be practicing today, but not that they’d be here at this moment.

“Right,” Lily said skeptically, raising an eyebrow. “I’m sure.” 

“Lily, he’s my friend. I’d never--never come out here just to look at his…” Remus trailed off as Sirius appeared from behind one of the many turrets of the castle, holding a bludger and shouting something indistinct at James. 

Lily giggled behind her hand, green eyes twinkling in mirth. “I’m sure,” she repeated, nudging him playfully.

“Well, it’s not just to...you know. I needed the fresh air. And I love Quidditch, you know that.” Remus blushed slightly, but didn’t take his eyes off of Sirius as he chucked the bludger at James.

Lily smiled knowingly, gently nudging Remus.

"It's fine, I'm not here to judge," she said warmly. "I get it. I might not be Black's number one fan, but he's very fit and he's very different with you than he is with the rest of the school." She flushed suddenly, not meeting Remus's eyes. "I mean, I sort of figured that he was the reason you turned me down when I asked you out in third year..." 

“What? No, I mean I didn’t...I just didn’t feel that way about you. Or Sirius. Honestly, I was thirteen, I was just figuring everything out, you know?” Remus felt a twinge of guilt, remembering the awkwardness that had pervaded their friendship for a week after the unfortunate incident. “And I, erm, well you know Fabian Prewett? Well.” He gave Lily a small smile, hoping that the revelation of a long-dead crush would cheer her up. 

Lily grinned, giggling as she remembered her friend’s crush. “I still say you had a crush on the wrong redhead,” she teased, elbowing him playfully before looking at him seriously. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sirius so jealous of someone as he was of Fabian.” 

Remus laughed. “That’s only because I was following him around instead of helping him with that grand scheme to dye McGonagall’s hair pink. In retrospect, it was probably a good thing--saved me a detention.” 

“I think he was more jealous of the fact that you were paying so much attention to Fabian when you two are usually so…” Lily gestured vaguely, unable to think of a word for how close Remus and Sirius were. “He was like a jealous boyfriend.” 

“Wishful thinking, Lils,” Remus said, shaking his head. _I wish…_

Lily shrugged, not looking convinced. “You boys are _so thick_ sometimes,” she sighed.

Rolling his eyes, Remus glanced back up at the sky. “Shhh, they’re going to try to do something stupid now. Watch!” He whispered, pointing up at James and Sirius. 

"They're always doing something stupid," Lily muttered, but watched anyways as Sirius attempted a particularly advanced move on his broomstick and ended up plummeting to the ground.

Lily gasped, grabbing Remus's hand. Remus squeezed back hard as Sirius fell, closing his eyes tightly. He heard a thump and James shouting something, but he couldn’t bring himself to look.

“Lily? What happened?” 

The redhead craned her neck, green eyes wide with worry. Sirius was crumbled in a heap on the ground, unconscious, and his left leg was bent the wrong way. She sighed in relief when she saw the rise and fall of the boy's chest.

"He'll be okay," she said reassuringly, squeezing Remus's hand. "He broke his leg and he's unconscious, but Madam Pomfrey will be able to heal him in no time.

Reluctantly, Lily released the werewolf's hand. "I'm going to go get her. Will you be alright?" 

Remus nodded shakily, still unable to look at the pitch where he knew Sirius lay.

“I’ll be fine...Let’s go get Pomfrey, shall we?” 

Lily blinked in surprise. She had been sure that Remus would want to rush to Sirius's side. Hell, even she wanted to rush over, and she and Black were hardly friendly.

Shaking herself, the redhead nodded and pulled Remus along with her. "Potter might have a myriad of faults, but he's no slouch with a healing charm. And Pomfrey will make sure he's right as rain. No need to worry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers!  
> We've been receiving lots of nice comments and overall enthusiasm about this fic, and are extremely grateful for your response! I just wanted to let you all know that I am tracking the tag "#growing pains fic" on Tumblr. So if you happen to write, draw, or otherwise mention anything from/about the fic, just tag it & I'll be sure to see it!  
> Until next week,  
> James


	14. In Which Remus Seems to be Making a Habit of Sleeping with Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caution: Angst Ahead

Remus sat in a small, hard armchair, head nodding forward as he struggled to stay awake. He had been in the hospital wing for over three hours, waiting for the moment when Sirius would wake up so he could give him a piece of his mind regarding proper safety precautions during Quidditch practice. But the room was warm and stuffy, and he’d soon found that it was nearly impossible to keep his eyes open.

His eyes snapped open as his chin hit his chest for the fourth time in the last hour, and he found himself staring longingly at Sirius’s bed. _I’m sure he wouldn’t mind...I’ll probably wake up before him anyway..._ Remus reasoned. Gingerly, he unfolded his long legs and stood up, covering the small distance between himself and the bed and slipping under the covers next to his friend. _Just a few minutes, I’m so...tired..._ he thought, as his eyes fluttered shut once more. 

A few hours later, Sirius finally awoke, groggy. _What happened?_ His leg hurt, that’s for sure. He was flying with James and...

_Oh._

The pureblood remembered attempting a Dionysus Dive. He must have leapt too far off his broomstick. Silently, Sirius cursed himself. How many times had he seen James pull off that exact move? Lucky thing he wasn’t trying out for Chaser.

Slowly, the Animagus opened his eyes, unable to hide his smile. _Remus_.

“Hey,” he said, voice rough with sleep as he gently nudged the werewolf. 

Remus turned over onto his stomach, his arm landing on Sirius’s chest, but he kept his eyes tightly closed in his drowsy state.

“ _Shhhh, sleeping_ ,” he mumbled, burying his face in a pillow. 

Sirius chuckled softly, snuggling as close and as best as he could. Remus was entirely too adorable when he was tired. Gently, he kissed the taller boy’s hair. “Mmm… Okay, Moony.” 

Remus sighed, imagining that he could feel Sirius pressing a kiss into his hair. The thought sent a thrill down his spine, but it also reminded him that he was lying in bed next to the boy he was madly, horribly in-- _no. Pull yourself together, man._ With a start, Remus sat upright, stretching carefully. Falling asleep in his binder had been a truly awful idea, no matter how warm and inviting Sirius’s cot was. 

Sirius frowned up at Remus, worried that he’d pushed things too far again. _Why can’t I help myself around him? Merlin, I love him so_ bloody _much._ Gingerly, he tried to sit up, too.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Just--er--I really shouldn’t have fallen asleep,” Remus said sheepishly. He hated mentioning things like his binder--it made him feel too different from his friends, who could sympathize but would never know the feeling of waking up after nodding off over your homework and knowing you’d feel it for weeks, or feeling their periods coming just after a full moon. He glanced over at Sirius, wondering if he’d understood what he meant. 

Sirius, as always, was able to read between the lines when it came to Remus. He reached for his hand and laced their fingers together.

“I’ll get you a new one,” he said. “There are a lot of better models out now that you can wear for much longer. You’ve grown so tall over the summer that I can’t imagine this one fits you properly anymore.” 

Remus squeezed Sirius’s hand gratefully. “You really don’t have to do that,” he said.

“I want to,” Sirius insisted. “I want you to feel comfortable, and for people like you and I, comforts can be few and far between.” Not that their situations were really comparable. Moony, at least, had his sanity, while the long haired boy often worried about his own. “If I can do something to make your life easier, why wouldn’t I do it? You’re one of my favorite people in the world.” 

Remus grinned. “Well, if you insist. I think I’ll go try and get out of this now, if you’ll be alright alone? If I keep it on for much longer it might do some real damage.” He left their hands intertwined, almost hoping that Sirius would give him some reason not to leave. 

The pureblood looked disappointed.

“Well, if you need to go, I won’t stop you, but you can always take it off in the bathroom over there and stash it in your school bag,” Sirius suggested, hoping that it didn’t make him sound too desperate or eager. 

“Oh! Of course,” Remus said, desperately trying not to sound relieved. He looked down at their hands, somehow unable to bring himself to leave Sirius’s grasp. Sirius reluctantly released Remus's hand, smiling warmly.

"Don't worry," he teased, gesturing to his leg, "I'm not going anywhere."

Remus smiled and crossed the room, quickly slipping into the loo and locking the door behind him. As soon as he was safely away from Sirius, he flexed his hand carefully and gazed down at it, nerves still singing from the sensation of their clasped palms. Finally, he shook himself and pulled his shirt over his head, then began the battle for freedom from his too-snug binder. 

Sirius sighed softly, placing the hand Remus had been holding over his heart. _Merlin_ , he was in too deep. He was going to have to get better at hiding his feelings if he wasn't ready to confess them all to the werewolf.

Remus emerged a few moments later, holding the bundle of cloth against his chest. He knew his friends had seen him without it on, but somehow the knowledge that Sirius only liked boys made things a little worse in that department. _I probably don’t even count,_ he thought. _I wouldn’t blame him; he’s been wonderful about it since we’re friends, but he probably wants a real boy..._ he let out a soft sigh and sunk down onto the bed, a few inches away from the pureblood. He could feel Sirius’s unnatural warmth radiating through the blankets, and he longed to slip back under the covers and resume his nap. 

Boldly, Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus and pulled him back down onto the bed next to him, snuggling close. “Feel better?” he asked, gently brushing Remus’s hair away from his face.

In all honesty, Sirius’s proximity had caused Remus’s muscles to tense up even more than they had been before. But he could at least breathe freely now, so he nodded, blinking hard to try and wake himself up before he fell asleep against Sirius. He was painfully aware that his friend was most probably covered with bruises from his fall, and the last thing he wanted to do was cause him more discomfort. 

Sirius kissed Remus’s forehead, smiling gently at the other boy.

“Good,” he said softly. “I’ll send away for a new binder for you as soon as my leg isn’t broken anymore.” Remus shivered a bit at the contact, although it might have been because of the slight chill in the room as well.

“Thank you,” he said, hoping his voice would convey the extent of his gratitude. _Thank you for buying me binders after you found me crying in the bathroom when I was twelve. Thank you for becoming an illegal Animagus because you knew it would make the moons easier. Thank you for being willing to touch me even though I’m horribly in love with you…_

“Well, thank you for getting Madam Pomfrey,” Sirius said with a smile, cheeks slightly pink. It was embarrassing to think that Remus had seen him fall like a complete idiot, but there was something to be said for waking up to the werewolf in his bed. “I, uh… I was worried I had upset you earlier,” he confessed. “You sort of...ran off. I...things are okay, right?” The pureblood worried his bottom lip, not quite daring to meet Remus’s eyes. 

“Of course!” Remus pulled away slightly, alarmed that Sirius had thought he was angry. “I, um...I had an essay,” he said lamely, “For Potions. I just wanted to finish it before tomorrow…Why would you have upset me?” 

The long haired boy flushed, shrugging and feigning nonchalance.

“I dunno, I just… I wanted to make sure you were okay with it,” he said softly. “The whole me being a giant, flaming poof bit.” 

Remus turned himself around, folding his legs up so that he was entirely on the bed facing Sirius.

“Are serious? Of course I’m alright with it! Padfoot, I’m a trans queer boy. Did you really think your liking blokes would scare me away?” He bit his lip, more than a little disturbed as he considered that Sirius would have to have very little trust in him to think something like that. 

“Not really, I just…” Sirius looked up, meeting Remus’s eyes. “You’re important to me. I don’t… I’m always worried that I’ll do something stupid and lose you. I wouldn’t be able to live with that if it happened.” 

For the second time that day, Remus felt his eyes pricking. _But I’m the one who’s going to lose you,_ he thought. He didn’t trust himself to speak lest his thoughts slip out, so he opted for leaning forward a little awkwardly and wrapping his arms tightly around him. He breathed in, Sirius’s scent calming him a bit as he felt his friend’s steady heartbeat against his own chest. 

“Sorry,” Sirius said softly, lips curving in a sardonic smile. “I have issues from childhood,” he teased, making light of the situation. Everything seemed easier when you could laugh about it. 

Remus sighed. He knew there was more truth in Sirius’s statement than either of them cared to think about. He pulled him a little closer, burying his nose in the shorter boy’s hair.

“You’re not going to lose me, Sirius,” he promised. “You doomed yourself when you offered to be my friend in first year. You’ll never be rid of me now.” 

“Good,” Sirius said fiercely, holding Remus tight. “I never want to be.” 

“Ahem,” a small, rather artificial-sounding cough sounded from across the hospital wing, and the boys looked up to find James watching them from the door, a smug look on his face. “Am I interrupting something?” 

Sirius shot James a look that clearly said, _yes_ , he was interrupting something. His best friend had absolutely rotten timing, as usual.

“Moony and I were just resting and talking,” he said, unable to keep the irritation out of his voice. 

“Ah. Well I just wanted to see if you were alright,” James said, taking a few steps into the room. “I’m sorry you fell off your broom. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard on your first practice.” 

“And for a bloody Chaser move, when I’m trying out for Beater,” Sirius added, rolling his eyes. “Honestly.”

“Yeah...probably not my most brilliant idea. Anyway, mind if I borrow your boyfriend?” James asked, waggling his eyebrows ridiculously. Suddenly Remus remembered that he was wrapped around Sirius with his face in his hair--that certainly warranted some teasing. He scrambled off the bed and straightened his clothes a bit, running his hand through his own disheveled locks.

“Sure, James. Coming.” 

 _"Boyfriend_."  _Merlin_ , Sirius wished. Suddenly he felt very cold without Remus’s warmth surrounding him.

“What do you need Moony for?” he asked, suspicious. 

“Want him to check my Potions homework. Slughorn’s pushing us hard already,” James replied smoothly. 

Sirius raised an eyebrow, even more suspicious.

“Why not bring it to me?” he asked. “You know as well as I do that Remus is pants at Potions.” Immediately, he turned pink. “Er...no offense, of course, Moony.” 

Remus smiled sheepishly, making no attempt to defend himself. He really was awful at Potions.

“Yeah, well...it’s more the essay part than the Potions part that I was worried about. And no offense to you, but half the time no one has any idea what you’re trying to say in your essays, so…” James made a little sweeping motion to hasten Remus’s exit. 

Sirius sighed, rolling his eyes. He usually got good marks on his essays and they all knew that. "Whatever you say, Jim," he said, feigning a yawn. "I'll just take another nap." 

“Good, get some rest. And don’t call me Jim.” James practically dragged Remus out of the room, the two of them stumbling out into the hall. 

"So," James said once he and Remus were well away from the hospital wing. "You and Sirius seemed awfully...cozy."

Remus surreptitiously glanced over at his friend, pretending to study the floor as they walked. Something in James’s voice was off, kind of like when he was talking to Slughorn while Peter slipped into his closet to steal some mildly dangerous ingredient.

“We were just talking.” _Why did you say “just?” That sounds suspicious. James is going to figure it all out..._ “He offered to get me a new binder,” he added, hoping the detail would distract James from the fact that he had actually been doing less talking and more subtle hair-sniffing. 

James shrugged, but didn't look convinced. "It's not my business, of course, I was just wondering if there was something going on there. With Sirius." He leveled Remus with a look, locking eyes with him in a way that clearly said he already knew the answer.

Remus stared back at James, golden eyes searching brown for some hint of what he was thinking. James had an uncanny ability for reading Remus’s thoughts and emotions with a single look. 

“Something...going on,” he repeated finally. “Define ‘something.’”

"Do you like him?" James said bluntly, deciding that there was no reason to beat around the bush any longer. "As more than a friend, I mean." 

“I...James, please don’t tell him. Swear to me you won’t. I don’t think...I couldn’t bear it if I lost him, James. And he trusts me, he trusts so few people and he trusts _me_ and I’m ruining it, what if he thinks all the hugging and everything is just me taking advantage? I’m already a monster, I don’t want him to think I’m...like that…” Remus realized that he was crying again, and he screwed his eyes shut, mentally berating himself for telling James about his feelings. _He shouldn’t have to deal with knowing about all this, especially since  he and Sirius are so close…_

James wrapped his arms around Remus, holding him close.

"Hey," he said quietly, reassuringly, "don't talk about yourself like that. You're _not_ a monster, Moony. And I won't breathe a word to Sirius, I solemnly swear it." He pulled away from Remus, looking him in the eyes again. "But I think you should tell him. Who knows? He could feel the same way." The bespectacled boy was careful not to let his tone betray the fact that he knew Sirius was head over heels for the werewolf. "No matter what, he'll still trust you. He'll always trust you."

Remus buried his face in James’s shoulder, his friend’s voice calm and soothing as he let out the last of his tears and began to take deep, regular breaths.

“Thank you.” Remus drew back slightly so he could look into James’s face, smiling weakly. “You’re a good friend, Prongs. I just...don’t think I’m ready to jeopardize what I do have with him, if you know what I mean?” He took another deep breath, steadying himself. “And besides, Merlin knows Padfoot doesn’t need to have his ego fueled by another person with a stupid crush on him,” he added.

James's heart sank. Two of his best friends were in love with each other, and neither one was willing to tell the other.

"Just...think about it?" he pressed. "I think you two would be really good together." 

Remus rubbed his eyes tiredly and shook his head.

“James...this is Sirius we’re talking about. He’s bound to want someone cool and exciting and...well, attractive. And besides, he already told me there’s someone he likes, has for ages, so I haven’t got a chance.” 

"You're very cool!" James protested. "And you're a handsome bloke, too. Anyways, how do you know it's not you who Padfoot's liked for ages?" he asked, eyebrow raised. 

Remus’s eyes widened in alarm.

“ _Me_? Don’t be ridiculous. He doesn’t...have you _seen_ the way he acts with me, James? There’s no way anyone could keep that up with someone they liked. I have to run off to the library half the time just so I can calm down…” 

"Well, _you_ keep it up," James pointed out, not convinced. "Anyway, how he acts around you is exactly my point. You don't see him cuddling me and kissing my forehead, now do you? Or Pete, for that matter." 

“Well...no. But you wouldn’t exactly want him to, would you?” Remus countered. 

James pulled a face. "Of course not! He's like my brother! But that doesn't change the fact that Sirius has always been affectionate and protective of you in particular." 

“James, I really don’t think I can deal with this whole...thing, right now. Convincing myself I have a chance. I think it’s best if we just let it die, alright?” Remus sighed heavily. “I mean, I only just started having these feelings, maybe they’ll pass…Or maybe I’ll just start taking ice-cold showers every morning. Either way, let’s not pretend anything’s ever going to happen.” He untangled himself from James and stood up, brushing himself off. “Now, did you really need help on your homework, or…?” 

James sighed. He may have lost this battle, but he would win the war.

"No, I just wanted to apologize properly. For yesterday. The whole...kissing thing. I hope you aren't upset. It was a stupid prank." 

“What?” Remus took a moment to remember what on Earth James was talking about. “Oh, that! I figured you were just a bit giddy, first time being within a foot of Evans in three months and all. No harm done,” he said lightly, patting James on the shoulder. 

James smiled, relieved to be forgiven. "I'm glad. And I promise, it won't happen again. I'll leave the kissing to Sirius." 

“Unfortunately, Sirius is never quite as enthusiastic as you were…” Remus muttered. 

"Well, I bet if he knew how you felt..." James trailed off, waggling his eyebrows suggestively to Remus. 

“Oh, sod off!”


	15. In Which Fabian is a Bit Too Likable for Sirius' Tastes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is confused; Sirius plays in the first game of the season

A few weeks passed. Sirius's leg, with the help of Madam Pomfrey, had healed in no time. Quidditch trials came and went, and Sirius found himself as one of the official Gryffindor Beaters. Now it was the day of their first match of the season, against Ravenclaw, and the entire house was getting into the spirit.

Except for Sirius.

Sirius was far too preoccupied by the fact that Remus, who always sat with them on game days, was instead sitting on the other end of the table with Fabian Prewett.

Not only were they sitting together, but Fabian had his arm around Remus, and the werewolf seemed quite pleased with the attention. He hadn't said anything to the rest of the Marauders, but Sirius was sure they were dating. The thought made his stomach twist painfully.

"He's not sitting with us on game day," Sirius grumbled to James for at least the fifth time that morning. "It's my first game day, and he's not sitting with us." 

James looked up from the scratch of parchment where he was furiously scribbling strategies in order to glance down the table at Remus. He rolled his eyes and went back to sketching out plays, leaving Peter to deal with Sirius’s antics.

“Come off it, Sirius, he’s not obligated to sit with us. And besides, you can tell he and Fabian are finally getting somewhere, after all the ridiculousness Third year. I think it’s nice.” Peter declared obliviously.

"I didn't say he was obligated," Sirius said defensively, cheeks pink. "I just thought that he'd sit with us since it's my first game." Moodily, he pushed his food around on his plate with his fork. He knew he was being childish and jealous. Remus seemed happy, after all, and deep down Sirius wanted Remus to be happy, even if it wasn't with him. But he couldn't help feeling hurt and sorry for himself over the whole situation. Maybe if he had made a move that day in the hospital wing...

It also didn't help matters that Fabian was known to be a bit of a heartbreaker. His relationships were usually over nearly as soon as they began. Remus deserved someone who was devoted to him, who worshipped the ground that he walked on. The dark haired boy didn't want this to be a repeat of Third year, when the red headed boy had flirted outrageously with Remus before losing interest and moving on to the next boy. 

* * *

Remus chewed thoughtfully on the tip of his quill as he listened to Fabian holding forth on something related to Ancient Runes, which he had somehow agreed to tutor him in. He couldn’t remember exactly how he had ended up being roped into this, but he knew it involved a number of stomach-dwelling butterflies, messy red hair, and a hand that touched his shoulder just as the question was asked, distracting him so he nodded absent-mindedly and apparently sold himself out as a free tutor for the next month.

He glanced up at Fabian just as he made a rather awful pun relating to the rune for “Sun,” and smiled at the older boy. The Headboy had an easy, open way about him that was undeniably charming, even if he wasn’t quite as funny as he thought he was. Remus felt his heart rate speed up as Fabian swung an arm around his shoulders. _Damn, not this again! I thought I got over him two years ago..._

“Could...could you repeat that?” Remus asked, as he realized that Fabian was waiting for him to answer something. 

Fabian gave him a winning smile, squeezing Remus's shoulders gently. "I was wondering if you could look over that last bit of translation I did? I think it's correct, but I'm rubbish at Runes."

On the other side of the table, Sirius viciously speared a sausage with his fork. Fabian was his fellow Beater on the team. It was going to be exceedingly difficult not to hit a bludger or two in his direction. 

Remus flipped through the three pages of translation that Fabian had just completed, making marks here and there where he had changed tenses. All in all it wasn’t half-bad, and Remus found himself wondering why Fabian had been so insistent on having a tutor.

“There you are,” he said, handing the parchment back. They sat in silence for a moment. “So...do we have a Prefect meeting tonight?” 

“About that,” Fabian said, smiling enigmatically. “How about we do rounds together tonight? Could be fun.” 

Remus felt his stomach do a familiar half-turn and swallowed hard.

“Er--wasn’t I assigned to go with Lily? Not that I don’t want to, I just, wouldn’t, you know, the schedule and all--” 

The redhead smiled, winking at Remus. "I'm Headboy," he said simply. "I can change the schedule." 

“Oh. Well, then, sure!” Remus bit the inside of his cheek, not sure how to read Fabian’s tone. He knew the boy had a habit of flirting with everything that moved, and there was no way he would be serious about some scrawny fifth year...was there? “Should I bring one of my Rune decoders, so I can show you how to use it while we patrol?” he offered. (done)

Fabian's brown eyes lit up. "Sounds brilliant!" he said brightly, squeezing Remus's shoulders slightly. "Then it's a date!" 

Remus nearly choked on air at Fabian’s unfortunate wording.

“Er...a date. Right,” he said, laughing nervously. “Well, I should go check in with Sirius and James, first game of the season and all…”

"Sure," Fabian said, looking disappointed as he released Remus. "I'll see you tonight, then." 

“Right. See you!” Remus stumbled backward a few steps before he turned around, walking to the far end of the Gryffindor table and taking the empty seat next to Peter. “So, James, ready for the big game?” he asked, smiling, as he grabbed piece of toast and began buttering it. 

Sirius tried (and failed) to not be hurt by the fact that Remus didn't sit next to him like he always did. Ever since that day in the hospital, the werewolf seemed to be avoiding him. He stabbed another sausage viciously with his fork as James animatedly explained Quidditch strategy. 

“That’s brilliant, James,” Remus said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. He glanced over at Sirius, who seemed to be attacking his breakfast with the force of a small army. His long hair was falling into his face, and Remus wished he were close enough to brush it out of the way. “So, Pads, you ready for your first game?” 

Sirius nodded, not quite meeting Remus’s eyes.

“Yeah,” he said with more confidence than he felt. “I’m ready to go.” 

Remus smiled. “Just try not to fall off your broom this time, eh?” he teased. 

“Right,” Sirius said with a humorless laugh. “Wouldn’t want that.” Then you might have to visit me again and we both know you’re actively avoiding that. The moment he thought it, he felt guilty. It wasn’t fair to Remus. But all the same, he couldn’t help but feel a little bitter that the werewolf was avoiding him. 

“Well I’ll be watching from the best seats I can find,” Remus said. “It might be tough considering how big the Ravenclaw/Gryffindor rivalry has gotten. And especially since I heard from some of the 3rd year girls in detention that you and James look so dashing in your robes…” Peter snorted into his juice, and Remus winked ridiculously at his friends. 

“Tell me if you hear the boys talking,” Sirius said, averting his eyes from Remus’s. Truthfully, the only boy whose attention Sirius wanted was Remus’s, but he wasn’t about to say that aloud. 

“Will do…” Remus felt his heart sink as he remember that Sirius was waiting for someone else to like him. A _male_ someone else. A male someone else who wasn’t Remus. “Anyone in particular you’d like me to listen in on?” he asked, wondering if it would be a good thing to know who the other boy was. 

Sirius shrugged noncommittally, staring moodily down at his breakfast. “No one in particular, I guess.” 

“...hear anything from Lily?” James asked hopefully, trying desperately to change the subject before his friends pined themselves into oblivion. Remus rolled his eyes.

“Not beyond how much of an arse you are, Prongs. You may want to try just acting like a normal human being around her in the future.” 

James sighed, looking over at Lily wistfully. "I can't help it! I get nervous and make an absolute idiot of myself," he said mournfully.

Sirius stared blankly down at his plate, lost in thought. Maybe he should just set his sights on another boy. Would that make Remus jealous? No, he couldn't do that. It wouldn't be right to string some bloke along just to see how Remus would react. 

Remus noticed Sirius’s silence and looked at him in concern, his brow furrowing unconsciously.

“You alright, Pads?” he asked softly. To his right, James and Peter were lost in conversation about the relative merits of different brooms, and took no notice of his question. 

"I'm fine," Sirius said automatically, feigning a smile. "Just...preparing myself mentally for the game, I suppose." 

“You’ll do fine,” Remus said, smiling confidently at his friend. “Just watch out for Gideon Prewett--Fabian tells me he likes to play dirty sometimes.” 

Sirius suddenly had a bad taste in his mouth. "Right. I'll keep that in mind." 

Remus’s smile faded a bit as he picked up on the terseness of Sirius’s tone. Instinctively, he reached out and grabbed his friend’s hand.

“Seriously, Padfoot, be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt again.” 

Sirius’s heart skipped a beat. He didn’t know whether he should pull his hand away or pull Remus closer. In the end, he did neither. “I’ll be alright,” he managed. “Besides, it’s the other team you should worry about. We’re going to destroy them.” 

Remus grinned.

“You’d better. That last game last year was just disgraceful...OI!” James had apparently tuned in for Remus’s final comment, and chosen that moment to smack his friend soundly upside the head.

“Lay off, Moony. This year I’m in charge, and we won’t be losing to bloody Ravenclaw again, if I have anything to say about it.” 

Sirius managed a laugh, feeling a little bit better that Remus hadn’t dropped his hand (and that Fabian was looking between him and the werewolf with envy). “That was before I got on the team,” he said confidently. “Trust me, we’ll win.” 

“Good. I bet Lily a Galleon that you and James would be able to stay on your brooms, and I’ve been hoping to get a new book bag.” Remus grinned impishly, then stood up. “Well, I’ve got to go study for a bit. First Saturday back and I’m already behind...see you at the match? Unless you’ve got something to work on as well...” he hoped against hope that Sirius would actually remember some Very Important Assignment, despite the fact that the boy had never entered the library for anything less than an end-of-term paper. 

The long haired boy glanced at Fabian before standing up as well. “Actually, I wanted to brush up on my Muggle Studies. If you help me with that, I can help you with Potions,” he offered, hoping Remus would agree. 

“Oh! Yeah, sure. I mean I’ve never taken it, but my mum’s a Muggle, and I know about...toasters...and things...so...sure, I mean, if that would be helpful...” Remus rambled. _Oh god, why can’t I shut up? It’s just Sirius, for Merlin’s sake!_

Sirius smiled, shrugging. “It’s more than I know,” he reminded the other boy. “Besides, it saves me from asking Evans since she doesn’t care for me much.” 

Remus shuddered involuntarily at the thought of his best non-Marauder friend and Sirius in the same room. Lily was an amazing friend, but she could lack subtly sometimes, and the last thing he needed was for her to blurt out something about his feelings for a certain wild-haired Gryffindor Beater.

“Well, er, let’s go then,” He said, awkwardly letting go of Sirius’s hand as he shouldered his bag. 

Sirius reached for his own bag, disappointed that the werewolf had dropped his hand. “Right… Lead the way.” 

* * *

“Prefects, coming through!” Remus quickly made his way up the stairs to the stands, Lily in tow. He only stopped when they had reached the very front, where none of the unfairly tall Fourth Year boys would block their view. He pulled his friend up to the railing next to him, laughing at how her fiery hair was already being blown in all directions by the brisk September breeze. 

Lily huffed, pushing her unruly hair away from her face as they settled into their seats.

“So, tell me,” she said with a raised eyebrow. “Are you going to be watching Sirius or Fabian?” 

“I--F-fabian? Why would I be watching him?” Remus stuttered. He bit his tongue, trying to control the flurry of butterflies that had taken flight in his stomach at the mention of the two boys. _Dammit, Moony, get a grip!_

“Ah,” Lily said with a knowing grin, “so it’s a love triangle now, is it?” 

“What are you--no, of course not--Lily, get that look off your face. I’m not some Young Adult Novel heroine. I got over Fabian in Third Year, and Sirius...well, he’s a lost cause, isn’t he? So no triangle. Absolutely not,” he insisted, glowering at Lily’s mischievous grin.

“Oh, so I didn’t see Fabian’s arm around you or you holding Sirius’s hand at breakfast this morning?” the redhead said, her smirk widening. “Or the fact that Fabian had me switch rounds with him tonight?” She leveled Remus with her bottle green eyes. “Don’t you play coy with me, Remus Lupin. I can see what’s going on here.” 

“Really? Why don’t you tell me, since I seem to have been left in the dark on this one,” Remus snapped. It was getting closer to the full moon, and he had noticed his moods swinging rapidly. It certainly didn’t help that he was beginning to feel all sorts of odd things toward the two least accessible boys he could think of. _The only thing worse than this would be if I were in love with the Bloody Baron_ , he thought bitterly. 

Lily blinked, taken aback by her friend's harsh tone. "I'm sorry," she said, stung. "I wasn't meaning to upset you..."

“Oh Merlin, Lily, I’m sorry...it’s just, kind of a lot to deal with, okay? Two weeks ago all I cared about was getting back to school and seeing all my friends, and now...now there’s Sirius, and, and bloody Fabian Prewett, and--and now there they are,” he huffed in annoyance. “Let’s just watch them be bloody gorgeous on their brooms for the next two hours, shall we?” he glanced over at Lily to see if his rambling half-apology had worked. 

Lily smiled, reaching for Remus's hand and squeezing it briefly before releasing it. "Sure. As long as you promise not to tell anyone I'm looking at Potter," she said quietly, winking. 

“I promise. Now shush!” 

* * *

 

Sirius gripped his bat tightly, swallowing hard in anticipation. In a few short minutes, he would be flying out on broom, whacking bludgers at Ravenclaws. And Remus would be (hopefully) watching. He glanced over at Fabian, who was finishing getting dressed. He was a bit of alright, Sirius supposed, but he just didn’t understand the appeal. Why was Remus so ga-ga over him? It wasn’t fair and it didn’t make sense. 

Fabian finished buttoning his robes and grinned over at his partner.

“Ready, Black?” he asked, swishing his bat through the air in excitement. 

“Of course,” Sirius said loftily, flipping his hair over his shoulder. “I was born ready.” 

Fabian grinned down at him and brushed past, holding the door to the field open.

“After you, mate!” he exclaimed enthusiastically. “Let’s beat those Ravenclaws’ arses.” 

Sirius tried very hard not to glare at Fabian on his way out and instead turned his attention to finding Remus in the crowd. 

Once they had taken their positions on the pitch, Fabian looked up into the Gryffindor stands and waved madly. Catching Remus’s eye, he winked, then turned his attention to the middle of the field, where James was shaking hands with the Ravenclaw Captain.

“Good luck, Black!” 

Sirius look one look at Remus's blushing face before he glared daggers at Fabian, gripping his bat tightly. That was the final straw. 

Suddenly, Hooch was blowing her whistle. Fabian, James, and the rest of the team pushed off, quickly gaining dozens of feet. Ravenclaw seemed to have taken control of one of the bludgers almost immediately. 

Sirius lifted off, whacking the other bludger particularly hard towards the Ravenclaw chaser. If that chaser was the closest to Fabian, well... 

**“Our resident blood traitor Sirius Black is off to a predictably violent start,”** Rabastan Lestrange drawled over the din of cheering students. **“And Chaser James Potter seems to be paying more attention to a certain red-headed Mudblood than the actual game...”** There was some outcry from the Gryffindor stands at this, and James could be heard spluttering in protest a mile away. **“...And yet, incredibly, Gryffindor scores.”**

The next bludger Sirius swung his bat at, predictably, went soaring in the direction of the commentator’s box. There were cheers from every house. 

From somewhere slightly left of the Quidditch pitch, James saw Sirius’s rather questionable tactic of sending bludgers at anyone who was annoying him that day and shook his head in exasperation.

“Oi, Sirius, head in the game, yeah?” he bellowed. Before he could hear his friend’s response, however, he sighted a faint glimmer of gold just in front of him and turned to wave frantically at the Seeker, a young girl by the name of Mary Macdonald. 

Sirius rolled his eyes at James as the Ravenclaw Seeker, Michael McKinnon, made a dive for it. _Real subtle, Prongs. Next thing you’ll be scoring goals for them, too! And you say that_ I _have no subtly._

Quick as lightning, the long haired boy dove after McKinnon, grabbing the end of his broom. Blagging was always a move (read: foul) he enjoyed; as far as Sirius was concerned, there wasn’t enough good old fashioned contact in Quidditch.

“Sorry, Mike!” he said sweetly with a grin that said he was anything but. “Maybe next time!”

McKinnon glared at him when he realized that the Snitch was now out of sight. Unfortunately, Madam Hooch saw the foul, and one of the Ravenclaw Chasers, Chang, scored the penalty goal. 

Suddenly Fabian pulled up next to Sirius, slightly breathless.

“Nice one--but try coming from the other side next time. Less likely to be seen if you’re not in Hooch’s line of sight,” he called, before swooping off to unseat one of the Ravenclaw chasers. 

Sirius’ blood boiled. _First he flirts with Remus and now he's telling me how to play Quidditch?_ Logically, he knew he was being more than a little unfair, but he just couldn't help feeling that way. Sirius would give anything for Remus to look at him like he looked at Fabian.

Shaking himself, the pureblood pulled himself out of his reverie, focusing once more on the game. 

The entire team was in rare form, Fabian and Sirius soon falling into a steady rhythm of knocking bludgers back and forth to see how many times they could hit the Ravenclaw Seeker (five, and three near-misses). The Gryffindors were all startled when they realized that Rabastan was announcing their victory over the previously unbeaten Ravenclaw team. 

High off of the win, Sirius found Remus in the crowd, smiling at him with complete adoration. 

Remus’s heart beat a little faster at the sight of Sirius grinning down at him, his hair damp with sweat and his eyes shining in victory. He looked like he had just won the World Cup, not an ordinary inter-House game. The werewolf smiled back and made a thumbs up, knowing Sirius wouldn’t be able to hear anything he shouted from so far away. Lily rolled her eyes and mouthed “dork,” but she smiled and waved at Sirius as well. 

Sirius felt on top of the world. He could do anything and he would succeed. Especially if Remus kept looking at him like he was now.


	16. In Which The Plot Finally Begins to Move Along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has his first real kiss

Remus and Lily pushed through the crowd as quickly as they could. Hand-in-hand, they snaked their way between triumphant Gryffindors and finally made their way up a back staircase, finding themselves in front of the Fat Lady a few moments before their housemates.

“That was--did you see how fast that was? Bloody incredible!” Lily rambled, face still flushed in excitement.

“Yeah! And the way Sirius hit that bludger at Lestrange--genius, that was!” Remus laughed.

Lily muttered the password and they popped through the opening, falling onto a couch together before it could be claimed by members of the stampede that was fast approaching. 

When Sirius and the rest of the Gryffindor team arrived in the common room, they were met with cheers and applause. Beaming from ear to ear, Sirius searched for Remus in the crowd. Mary McDonald and Marlene McKinnon shouted for someone to turn on some music, and the pureblood decided that as soon as he found the object of his affections, he would ask him to dance.

Remus sat in the midst of the hubbub, happily soaking up the air of festivity that pervaded the Common Room. Lily tapped him on the shoulder and shouted something that sounded a lot like “James’s arse,” but since that seemed highly unlikely, Remus assumed she meant to go find something to eat. He smiled contentedly and sunk back into the soft cushions of the couch, listening to the triumphant roar around him. 

Sirius grinned when he finally spotted Remus, walking briskly over before holding a hand out for the taller boy to take. "Hey, Moony. May I have this dance?" 

“Of course, Monsieur!”

Remus felt a smile spread across his face as he took Sirius’s hand, but once he was standing he wasn’t quite certain of how to move. They stood hand-in-hand for a long moment, grinning at each other.

The pureblood winked playfully at Remus before placing one hand on his waist and holding his other hand up to the side, and began leading the werewolf in a perfect waltz. It clearly didn’t match the up tempo rock music playing, but therein laid the comedy.

“You might not know this about me, Moony, but I’m a classically trained dancer,” Sirius said with a soft laugh. “My dear old Mum doesn’t like to be embarrassed at important social functions.” 

Remus laughed, setting his free hand lightly on Sirius’s shoulder and following his lead.

“My grandfather taught me a thing or two about waltzing, too, so I should be able to keep up...although I’m sure you’ll sweep me off my feet.” (

Sirius’s heart skipped a beat. Merlin, he hoped that he would be able to sweep Remus off of his feet. Or that Remus would sweep him off of his. “Who knows?” he said, voice light but unmistakably flirtatious, “I just may.” 

Remus flushed at the thought of Sirius “sweeping” him away to some secluded spot and...he felt himself missing the step a split second before he actually did, stumbling slightly. 

Feeling bold, Sirius spun Remus before dipping him gracefully, looking deep into the taller boy’s amber eyes as he did so, their lips nearly touching. 

Remus could feel Sirius’s breath warm on his face. _If I just moved my face a few inches..._ grey eyes gazed into his for what felt like an hour. He bit his lip, barely able to breathe. 

Sirius resisted the urge to capture Remus’s lips with his own before pulling the object of his affections upright again and continuing the dance. As delectable as the werewolf was biting his bottom lip like that, he really wanted their first kiss to be private and with the knowledge that they both harbored the same feelings for each other. 

Remus was surprised to find himself releasing a long breath as Sirius helped him regain his feet.

“That was smooth, Black,” he grinned, attempting to reclaim some of his dignity by continuing their waltz. 

“Did I make you weak in the knees?” Sirius asked, voice playful and pitched low as they danced. 

“You certainly have a high opinion of yourself...more like I fainted from exhaustion trying to keep up with your tempo,” he teased. The song was quite fast, but in any other situation it wouldn’t have been a problem. And his knees weren’t exactly stable at the moment. But there was no in hell way he was letting Sirius find that out. 

The pureblood gave Remus a smile that suggested he knew exactly what the taller boy was thinking. “Whatever you say, Moony.” 

Remus wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle being this close to his friend. He was certain that Sirius could feel his heart beating faster through the few inches that separated them.

“Er--Pads, could you...maybe some pumpkin juice, or something?” He suggested, his mouth suddenly dry.

Sirius smiled beatifically, gently releasing Remus after a small hug.

“Alright. Be back in two shakes of a dog’s tail,” he said with a wink before he was off to get the drinks. James had no doubt spiked the pumpkin juice with firewhiskey, and the Animagus felt that he could use a bit of liquid courage before he finally told Remus’s how he felt.

After Sirius had wandered away, Fabian approached the werewolf, grinning.

“Hey, Remus,” he said, draping his arm over his shoulders. “Did you like the game?” 

“Yeah, you were brilliant!” Remus exclaimed. First Sirius, now this... _stay calm, Moony._ “I mean, you were all...brilliant. Yeah.” _Oh, first-class conversation skills right there._ He made a timid half-smile up at the slightly taller boy, hoping against hope that his utter lack of togetherness wouldn’t drive the redhead away. 

Fabian winked at Remus, giving him another blinding smile. “Thanks. I’m glad you think so,” he said, pulling the other boy a little closer. “Would you like to go somewhere a little more...private?” 

“Wh--um--I’m not...why?” Remus stuttered. _He can’t mean...no, it’s probably just Prefect business or something...oh Merlin but what if…_  

The redhead chuckled, leading Remus over to a secluded corner of the common room, sitting down on a loveseat and pulling the younger boy down with him.

“Why do you think?” he asked, clearly amused. 

Remus swallowed hard. “Prefect...things?” he asked, almost hopefully. _I don’t know what I’m doing oh Merlin save me..._ He glanced up into the other boy’s startlingly green eyes, hoping to read his intentions there. 

Fabian reached over to brush a lock of Remus’s hair out of his eyes. He tucked it behind the younger boy’s ear, allowing his fingers to gently stroke down the werewolf’s jaw affectionately. His green eyes bore into Remus’s amber pair as he slowly leaned in, silently asking permission for a kiss. “No,” he said quietly, “not prefect things…” 

Remus’s eyes widened as Fabian came closer, but he didn’t pull away. His breath caught in his throat and he could feel his heart beating faster than he thought possible as the older boy gently pressed his lips against his own. 

Sirius’s eyes widened as he spotted Remus and Fabian kissing, dropping the glasses of pumpkin juice in his hands with shock. They crashed to the floor, shattering on impact. His heart sank down into his stomach, ice entering his veins. Remus… Remus was…

Without a word, the pureblood turned and ran upstairs to the dormitory, collapsing on his bed and burying his face in his pillow to hide his sobs.

He had waited too long.

Remus thought he heard a crash behind him, but when he pulled back to turn toward the source of the sound, he found that Fabian had placed his hand on the back of his neck, simultaneously steadying him and making it difficult to move. _It’s probably just some first years being clumsy anyway…_

Fabian kissed him enthusiastically and thoroughly, fingers sifting through his tawny hair. “ _Mmm_ …”

Remus could hardly believe that this was happening. His thoughts were a jumble as he felt Fabian stroking his hair, and he wrapped his arms around his neck for fear that he would lose his balance and tumble off the seat.

Finally, he pulled back just enough to breathe for a moment.

“Don’t we have to...patrol...tonight?” He asked, barely able string together a sentence. “I should probably go get my badge…” _Why am I saying this? Fuck responsibility I want to stay here and...no, none of that, Moony, get your head out of the gutter_. 

Fabian smirked at Remus, emerald eyes dark as he leaned forward to kiss him sweetly on the corner of his mouth. “You’re thinking of Prefect duties at a time like this?” he teased, running his hand up and down the younger boy’s back. “You’re making me question my kissing skills.” 

Remus could feel himself turning red at Fabian’s comment.

“No, you’re--you’re really good,” he said lamely. He blushed even harder at Fabian’s expression.“I just--I mean, I was snogging the Head Boy, what do you expect?” 

The redhead laughed warmly, pecking Remus on the lips once more. “You’re adorable, you know that?” 

Remus didn’t think it was possible to blush any harder than he was at that moment.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, the words coming out in a rush. He quickly disentangled himself from the Head Boy and took off for the stairs, not stopping until he had reached the door to the dormitory. 

* * *

 

Sirius kept his face buried in the pillow, having long since cried himself out. He felt tired, miserable, and overcome with self-loathing. Maybe if he had made a move just a little bit sooner… No. Sirius had been stupid to think that Remus would have ever felt more for him than simple friendship. 

Remus pushed open the door and quickly stepped inside, his face still burning.

“Anybody in here?” he asked softly, as he walked over to his bedside table to retrieve his Prefect badge. 

Sirius muttered a spell into his pillow and the curtains around his bed snapped shut. The last thing he wanted right now was to talk to the object of his affections as if nothing was wrong.

Remus heard the curtains rustling behind him, but he knew that Sirius only shut him out when he couldn’t stand to talk to anyone.

“Sirius? I know you’re there. Did something happen?” he didn’t really expect a response, but the silence was still heavy. “Listen, I have to go patrol...if you want to talk, I’ll be back in a few hours and we can use a charm so the others won’t hear, if you need to.” He pinned his badge to his sweater and walked toward the door.

Fresh tears wet the pillow beneath him. This was the hardest part. It would be so much simpler if he could just hate Remus, or stop being in love with him, but he couldn’t. He wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him, but he couldn’t help but feel grief for what could have been.

Not that he could blame Moony in the slightest. He deserved someone like Fabian Prewett: strong, steady, stable… Sirius had been a fool to think he could ever measure up, ever be good enough.

The fact that Remus wanted to talk to him, to be there for him and comfort him through this… It was more than Sirius could bear. 

Remus could hear Sirius’s quiet crying through the curtains, and his heart ached for him. He muttered a warming spell under his breath so that the castle’s natural chill wouldn’t reach him, then quietly slipped out the door and down the stairs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of our new ship? Love triangles may be cliche, but we think you'll enjoy Fabian :)


	17. In Which Severus Snape Enters the Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain Half-Blood Prince makes an appearance, much to everyone's chagrin

Fabian walked close to Remus as they patrolled the halls, smiling softly as he laced their fingers together. “So,” he said conversationally, “next Hogsmeade visit. You and me. Can we make it a date?” 

Remus let out a little huff of air, taken off-guard by the casual touch.

“Erm...sure. I’d like that,” he said, his hand tingling pleasantly. “Er--Fabian?” 

“Yeah?” the Head boy asked, looking over at Remus. “What is it?” 

Remus stopped walking and turned to face Fabian, suddenly nervous.

“I was just wondering...why?” he felt the blood rushing to his face once more. “Why me, I mean. And why now?” _You could have anyone in Gryffindor, but instead you pull_ me _aside and snog me in a corner…_

Fabian grinned, squeezing Remus’s hand. “You’re cute. You’re funny. I like you. It just seemed like the right time,” he said simply. “Why not you? Why not now?” 

Suddenly Remus found himself leaning forward, tilting his face upward so that he could kiss the other boy. “Thank you,” he breathed.

The redhead returned the kiss, cupping Remus’s cheeks in his hands. “Nothing to thank me for,” he said softly against the shorter boy’s lips.

They remained that way for a long time, Remus’s hands coming up to rest on Fabian’s shoulders as they stood in the middle of the hallway. They only broke apart at the sound of footsteps coming from behind Remus. 

Fabian and Remus turned around to see Severus Snape, walking in the spidery, twitchy way that he always did. The Head Boy raised a suspicious eyebrow at him, exchanging a glance with Remus.

“You’re out awfully late and far away from the dungeons,” he commented, crossing his arms over his chest as he waited for an explanation. 

“And you’re getting awfully familiar with Mr. Halfblood for an on-duty Prefect,” Snape spat back. Remus felt sick, his hand squeezing Fabian’s tighter. 

Fabian laughed, a nice solid laugh that seemed to use his entire body. "'Half-blood', you say? That's rich, coming from you. Snape isn't exactly a pureblood surname, is it?" 

Snape paled, swallowing, then squared his shoulders.

“I don’t think a blood traitor gets to cast aspersions like that, Prewett,” he spat. “That red hair didn’t come from any pure families I know.” 

“That’s a laugh,” the Head Boy said. “You know, I’ll never understand why a nice girl like Lily Evans is friends with you,” Fabian shook his head. “Especially when you’re quick to call everyone else but her a slur.” 

“My... _relationship_ with Lily is none of your business,” Snape said. He seemed taken aback by Fabian’s comment, so Remus seized the opportunity to push him a little further.

“So it’s a ‘relationship’ now, is it, Snivellus? Because last time I talked to Lily she wasn’t under the impression you were anything more than friends.” The look on Snape’s face almost made Remus pity him. _Almost_. 

“I’d clear out and get back to your dorm where you belong before I have to take house points, Snape,” Fabian said, his tone as such that no one would question his authority. 

Snape and Fabian stared at each other for a long moment. Finally, Snape broke eye contact, turning to walk back to the dungeons. Remus thought he could hear him muttering something about “ _mudblood poufters_ ” under his breath. 

The redhead rolled his eyes and shook his head before turning to Remus and offering him a smile.

"C'mon, Remus," he said as he tugged the younger boy towards an empty classroom, "in here." 

Remus’s heart was still pounding a little from their run-in with Snape when they reached the classroom. If he hadn’t had Fabian with him, he would have ended up fending off a nasty hex. Relieved to be in relative safety, he sank down into the nearest chair and pressed his palms against his eyes. 

Fabian’s brow knit in concern as he sat next to him, gently gripping his shoulder. “Are you alright?” 

“Fine,” Remus said, forcing his tone to be lighter than he felt. “I’m used to it. Really, it’s no big deal,” he added when he saw Fabian’s face. “That wasn’t as bad as it could have been.” 

"What do you mean?" the redhead asked, gently brushing Remus's cheek with the back of his hand. 

Remus furrowed his brow, confused.

“I mean...I mean, there were two of us, so he didn’t try anything, is all. It could have been worse,” he repeated. _Doesn’t he know what it’s like for half-bloods around here? No one could be_ that _blind…_ Fabian’s face flushed with anger.

“He hexes you?” he asked, indignant. “That slimy git tries to actually hurt you? I have half a mind to curse his knob off!” 

“I think I can take care of that myself, if need be,” Remus said firmly. “I’ve been dealing with him for the last four years, Fabian, I know how to handle it.” He slipped his hand back into Fabian’s and stood up. “Do you want to keep patrolling?” 

Fabian frowned, squeezing Remus's hand. "You shouldn't have to deal with it, though," he protested. "That isn't right." 

_There are a lot of things I shouldn’t have to deal with,_ Remus thought. “Let’s not have this conversation now, ok?” he said instead. _...or ever..._ Remus knew that there were very few people in the world who would be willing to stick by him if they knew about everything unfair he dealt with. He had already found three of them; he wasn’t willing to gamble that Fabian was the fourth, just yet. 

“Sure, love,” Fabian said, leaning down to kiss Remus sweetly. “Sorry for upsetting you.” 

Remus blushed at the unexpected kiss. _How can he do that so casually…_

“You didn’t,” he said softly. “Really, I don’t think you could.” 

The Head Boy grinned, wrapping his arms around Remus’s waist. “Is that so?” he purred, leaning down to kiss the shorter boy again, deeper this time.

After what felt like hours, Remus pulled back, ducking his head as he felt himself blush.

“McGonagall’s going to wonder where we went,” he chided, although he couldn't really bring himself to care. “I’m no stranger to breaking the rules, but we might want to get back if you don’t want your good name as Head Boy sullied?” 

Fabian pouted playfully. "What? Am I that bad of a kisser?" 

“Well, not that I’d know, but...no? I don’t think so,” Remus replied. He looked down at his hands, which were resting lightly on Fabian’s shoulders. 

“Would you really rather go back to patrolling and stop kissing me?” Fabian asked, grinning down at Remus. “Because I’d much rather be kissing you…” 

“Erm...well, when you put it that way…” Remus trailed off as Fabian leaned down to kiss him again, and he was temporarily lost to the world.


	18. In Which James Picks Up the Pieces

By the time James came up to the dorm, it was a disaster area. The curtains were ripped off the bed, lying in tatters on the floor. Parchment littered the dormitory, along with books torn from their binding. Ink bottles had been smashed against the windows, and pillows had been slashed, releasing an explosion of down.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Sirius!" James shouted, taking out his wand to fix the mess. "What did you do?" It wasn't until he saw Sirius, laying on his bed and sobbing, that he realized what happened. The heir to the House of Black was prone to violent bursts of accidental magic when under extreme emotional duress. James approached with caution. Normally Remus was the only one who could calm the long haired boy down when he was in a mood. "Padfoot," he said softly, "are you alright?"

Sirius turned to face James, eyes red from crying. "No," he said, voice rough. "Remus was snogging Fabian Prewett."

James felt his heart sink when he heard the slight quaver in Sirius’s voice.

“Oh, Merlin,” he said, sinking down onto the bed beside his friend. “Are you alright?” Clearly he wasn’t, but James hadn’t seen him this bad since Regulus had stopped talking to him during third year, and he didn’t know what else to say. It was Remus who usually stepped in at these moments; Remus who knew what to say when someone died, or some great opportunity was missed. James’s job was the pre-disaster pep talk, not cleaning up after the fallout. He sighed, unsure of how to proceed.

“I should have expected it,” Sirius said with a heavy sigh, wiping his eyes. “Of course he’d choose Fabian. Fabian isn’t halfway mad like me. He’s stable. He’s solid. I should have known I wasn’t good enough for him. Remus deserves someone like Fabian, not someone like me...”

“Alright, that’s it,” James declared. “I don’t care if you destroy everything in this room, but you can’t talk about my best mate that way.” He paused, muttering a conjuring spell under his breath, then thrust a bottle into Sirius’s hand. “Drink this, then we’re going out to...I don’t know, I’ll think of something. But it’s not healthy to lie here in the dark like this, Pads.”

Sirius accepted the bottle from James, looking at it with a frown. “What is it?” he asked dubiously.

“Firewhiskey. The good kind, from the Potter cellars...just don’t tell Mum,” James added as an afterthought.

Sirius opened the bottle and drank the contents alarmingly fast. “I wouldn’t tell your mum,” he said, wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand.

James raised an eyebrow at his friend, but didn’t comment on his swift drinking. Instead he took a swig from his own bottle, then stood up. “C’mon, we’re going to the Lake."

“Why?” Sirius asked, running a hand through his hair. “What for?”

“Swimming.”

The dark haired boy gave his friend a skeptical look. “Swimming?”

James nodded resolutely. “You need to do something stupid and non-destructive. So we’re going to go find Peter and swim in the lake, and then we’ll come up here, finish off the firewhiskey, and go to bed. Then in the morning we’ll start work on a new prank. Sound good?” It wasn’t really a question.

“I don’t feel like swimming,” Sirius said, looking away.

“Pads...look, I don’t know what to say right now, ok? I don’t think anyone could have seen this coming, honestly. And it sucks. And...and I wish it were you down there with Moony right now. But it’s not the end of the world, and he’s still your mate, and you can’t let this be the thing that breaks you, alright? Because you’re worth a lot more than one really, really unfortunate crush.” James sniffed quietly and looked down at his friend, who was still lying motionless amidst the ruins of his four poster.

“It’s not a crush,” the long haired boy said, staring up at the ceiling. “I _love_ him, James. I love him more than I can even… And I never got the chance to tell him that. I never…”

“Hey,” James said softly, sitting down again and rubbing Sirius’s shoulder. “It’s ok, Sirius. I...look, this isn’t the end, ok? You don’t know what’s going to happen with him and Fabian. And--I mean, I’m not advocating this but--there’s nothing stopping you from telling him even if something does end up...happening...between them. If you really feel like you need to, I mean.”

Sirius shook his head, closing his eyes. “It wouldn’t be right,” he sighed. “You know Moony… He’d feel obligated. Like I wouldn’t be his friend unless he said yes. I don’t want him to feel that way…”

James nearly groaned in frustration, but instead took another gulp from his bottle. I am not nearly drunk enough for this, he thought ruefully. “Why don’t you just bloody tell him, Padfoot? Snogging after a Quidditch game isn’t serious. You’ve still got time, and I’m very, very sure that you wouldn’t regret it.” _Why the hell did I promise Remus I wouldn’t tell him...these bloody idiots_...the firewhiskey was going to his brain and he could feel only a haze of frustration and pity for his friend.

“But Remus has liked Fabian since third year,” Sirius pointed out. “ I don’t want to ruin that for him…” He remembered his friend’s crush on the Prewett twin and how much it hurt back then… If the Head Boy was what Remus really wanted, then who was he to get in the way of that?

“Sirius, you really think some gangly prick is better than you? Remus is probably just settling...I mean, if we’re being totally honest here” James could feel the firewhiskey really kicking in now--it must have been an older vintage than he thought “his arse isn’t ‘alf as nice as yours, and all ‘e ever does is flirt wi’--hic--all th’boys on the team…” Perhaps the Potters’ secret stash of fine liqueur had been a bad decision, after all. But he stood by what he had said.

Sirius managed a weak smile, raising an eyebrow at James. “Been staring at my arse a lot, Prongs?”

“Only to try an’ see what Remus sees in it,” James muttered. “As if you haven’t looked at mine plenty, you tosser!”

“Remus doesn’t look at my arse, and I don’t look at yours!” Sirius protested, pulling a face. “You’re my _brother_. That would be like checking out _Regulus’s_ arse! Yuck!”

“You know, Sirius, you’re the last one I would have expected to ‘no homo’ me…” James leaned over until he had landed, somewhat awkwardly, next to Sirius on the bed, half-empty bottle still in hand. “Also, how’re you still so sober? I c’n barely see straight…”

Sirius shoved James’s shoulder playfully. “Lightweight,” he teased, ignoring the fact that his own vision was swimming. “You never could hold your liquor. But Moony… Moony could drink us all under the table…”

“Fuck, mate, if Moony were here...he’d drink us all under th’table ‘n’ then ‘e’d snog you till you stopped moping,” James slurred, yawning. “Not that I don’t feel for you...but you’re both so…” he trailed off, trying to think of the proper word.

The heir to the House of Black scoffed. “Maybe in my wildest dreams he’d snog me,” he muttered, leaning his head on James’s shoulder. “I could hex Prewett’s knob off right now…”

James sighed and set his bottle on the night stand, rolling over to face Sirius. “Don’t take it out on him, mate, I need ‘im for the team...just...tell Remus maybe, if they’re not together…” he could feel his eyelids becoming heavier by the minute. “Everything’ll work out an’ I’ll be visiting you two in some house with a goddamn picket fence in a coupla years...and meanwhile Lily will still only be speaking to Messr. Moony,” he added testily.

“Nah,” Sirius said, nudging James’s side. “You an’ Lily will be married with a couple of sprogs and I’ll still be mooning over Moony…”

“They’d be cute, wouldn’ they?” James mused. “An’ if you’re still hung up on Moony by then I’ll ask him out for you, so you’d better get your shit together.”

Sirius sighed, shrugging. "I dunno... Even if I do tell him, there's no guarantee he feels the same... Why set myself up for further disappointment?"

James closed his eyes and silently prayed for patience. “Just...think about it. Ok?”


	19. In Which There is Much Inner Turmoil

Remus padded up the stairs to the dorm in darkness, too afraid of waking his sleeping peers to use lumos. He pushed the door open as slowly as possible, then quickly slid off his shoes and tiptoed over to Sirius’s bed.

“Hey, Pads, are you awake?” he asked softly.

Reluctantly, Sirius turned to face Remus, nodding gently. He had been dreading this moment. James had helped him clean the room so there were no further signs of his destructive accidental magic, but he was afraid he might have another episode. It was a completely alien feeling that Remus, who had always made Sirius feel grounded and comforted, was now the catalyst for his emotional instability. The wrongness of that made him feel more than a little uncomfortable. “Yes.”

Remus slipped between the curtains around Sirius’s bed and sat on the edge, slowly reaching out until he touched his friend’s back. “Do you want to talk?”

Sirius shook his head, not trusting himself to speak. He wanted to do nothing more than to pull Remus down onto the bed with him and kiss him senseless, but he couldn’t. Besides, just looking at the werewolf shot a pain through his chest. All he could picture was his lip’s against the Head Boy’s, and his heart ached.

Remus bit his lip, trying to think of something to say. Nothing came to mind, so instead he pulled back the covers and slipped under them, settling in next to Sirius. “That’s alright. I’m here if you need me.”

Sirius lay still for a moment before turning to face Remus, burying his face in the taller boy’s neck and wrapping his arms around his waist. In this way, at least, Remus was his and only his.

Remus closed his eyes and breathed in, pressing his face into Sirius’s dark hair. The pressure of Sirius’s arms around him was soothing, especially combined with Sirius’s steady breathing. _I wish..._ Remus wasn’t entirely sure what he wished, but this felt close. He pulled Sirius close and let his breath fall into time with his friend’s.

"So...," Sirius said softly, trying not to let his voice betray any emotion, "you and Prewett, huh?"

Remus felt his heart make a confusing little leap--half happiness at the mention of Fabian, and half regret at the realization that he was lying in bed next to Sirius, talking about another boy he had just been kissing. A boy Sirius had no reason to be jealous of, because he had feelings for someone else.

“Er...yeah, I guess. I mean, I wouldn’t necessarily call it ‘me-and-Fabian’ yet. But...you know,” he said awkwardly. In truth, he and Fabian hadn’t done much besides snog; he wasn’t sure what to call their relationship, if it even was one.

“Well...good for you, mate,” Sirius said, feigning lightheartedness. He buried his face further in Remus’s neck, hiding his face. Inside, he felt as if he were being torn apart. “Do...do you want it to be ‘you and Fabian’?”

_I want it to be me and you._ “I don’t know. I think…” _I don’t know how he could ever compete with my feelings for you. But I really, really like him and you’re never going to..._ “I don’t know,” he repeated helplessly.

Sirius wanted to feel some satisfaction that Remus didn't seem completely sure of his feelings for the Head Boy, but he couldn't. The werewolf's tone was so defeated that his words only served to make his heart ache further. "Well," he said softly against the other boy's neck, "you always have me..."

Remus bit back something that felt suspiciously like a sob, pulling Sirius closer to him. Just moments ago he had been blissfully forgetful of his own feelings, as he listened to Fabian whisper how gorgeous he was in his ear; now, with his arms wrapped around his best friend, he felt as if he would break in two.

The pureblood melted in the taller boy’s arms, trying to tell himself that this, what he had with Remus, was enough and that he was selfish to want more. But he couldn’t keep his heart from aching for the other boy. “I’d be lost without you, you know…”

_I’m lost with you…_ Remus thought before succumbing to sleep.


	20. In Which Relationships are Forged, and Mended

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Marlene; the beginning of some rather interesting relationships

Fabian trailed kisses down Remus’s neck, pressing the shorter boy against the glass wall of the greenhouse. “Mmm,” he sighed happily, running his fingers through the younger boy’s hair. “I love kissing you…” 

Remus smiled, feeling somewhat reassured. He knew better than to try and talk by this point, though, so he wrapped his arms around Fabian and closed his eyes, leaning back against the wall. 

The redhead kissed up his neck, nibbling playfully at his earlobe.

“Is this okay?” he purred in Remus’s ear. “Not moving too fast, am I?”

Remus shook his head, humming happily.

“Just...not any...further than this, I guess?” Remus knew his boundaries could be a bit off-putting, but he hoped Fabian wouldn’t mind. 

“Sure,” Fabian said softly, capturing the shorter boy’s lips with his own. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to or aren’t comfortable with.” 

“Thanks,” Remus murmured, relief  loosening the knot that had been forming in his stomach. The ensuing silence felt a bit uncomfortable, though, so he cast around for something more to say. “So...Hogsmeade.” 

The redhead smiled, gently stroking Remus’s hair.

“Yeah? What about Hogsmeade?” 

“I was just wondering what we were going to do?” Remus asked. “I mean, we haven’t really...done anything. Besides this,” he added lamely. 

“What would you like to do?” the Head Boy asked, tilting his head to the side. “We can do whatever you like.” 

“I’m not sure,” Remus admitted. Ordinarily he spent most of his time with the other Marauders, buying supplies for pranks and checking out the latest model of broomstick that had been released. Somehow, though, that didn’t seem very appropriate for a first (third?) date. 

“Well,” Fabian said with a grin, “we could eat at the Three Broomsticks. And then we can go to Zonkos and Tomes and Scrolls… How does that sound?” 

“Perfect,” Remus said, returning the grin. 

“I’m glad,” the freckled boy said with a laugh. “I didn’t think you were the Madam Puddifoot’s type.” 

Remus snorted as he imagined sitting at one of the little tables at Puddifoot’s, cheesy music playing over the sound of a dozen couples whispering disgustingly sweet nothings in each other’s ears.

“Er...no, not exactly,” he laughed. 

Fabian laughed, leaning in to kiss Remus again.

“Yeah, me neither. Want to make a stop at Honeydukes as well?” Remus smiled up at Fabian.

“Definitely. My chocolate supply is running a bit low, actually.” 

“I’ll get you whatever you like,” the taller boy said, gently squeezing Remus’s shoulder. 

“What?” Remus pulled back a bit, his brow furrowing. “You really don’t have to do that, Fabian. I can pay for things myself. I don’t need--" Fabian’s brow was knit with confusion.

“--I didn’t mean to offend you or anything, I just… We’re boyfriends, now, right? I wanted to make it my treat… Is that not alright with you?” 

“I just--people are always trying to buy me things, because of how I look, I guess…” Remus gestured at his threadbare robes. “And because my family has to spend a lot of money on med--on other things. But I don’t need anyone to--wait. Did you just say ‘boyfriends?’” 

The older boy nodded sheepishly, his face as red as his hair.

“I… Yeah. If you want to to be, that is. I mean, I understand if you don’t, of course, but…”

The tension flowed out of Remus as quickly as it had appeared, and he leaned in to kiss Fabian, running his hand through the boy’s hair as he did so.

“I want to be.” As he said it he felt a tiny tinge of something that felt like regret, but the look on Fabian’s face made him push it away. The redhead smiled, kissing Remus sweetly.

“Good,” he sighed, relief evident in his voice. “I was worried that you might not… But I’m glad.” He brushed his lips against the younger boy’s again. “Tell you what. How about this Hogsmeade visit is my treat, and you can pay next time? Is that a fair enough compromise?” 

“Alright,” Remus agreed. He’d have to save up until then, but it would be worth it. A voice in the back of his head--the same one that always sounded suspiciously like Lily--told him that he shouldn’t be willing to accept a gift from Sirius and not Fabian. He pushed it away in favour of kissing his boyfriend, who seemed more than willing to oblige. 

* * *

 

Sirius stood at the top of the Astronomy tower, smoking a black clove cigarette as he looked over the grounds and tried to think of anything other than Remus and Fabian snogging behind the greenhouses. He exhaled in a puff of smoke, gazing longingly at the Forbidden Forest. The full moon was approaching and his heart raced a bit in impending excitement. At least he would always have a part of Remus that Fabian never would…

Suddenly someone reached around him from behind and plucked the cigarette from his lips and two petite hands covered his eyes. “Guess who?” a mischievous feminine voice purred in his ear.

The long haired boy grinned, turning around to face the source of the voice. “Wotcher, Marlene,” Sirius addressed the waify girl in front of him. Her hair was jet black and cut choppy and uneven, her eyes lined heavily with kohl, and her lips painted a shocking shade of pink. 

“Muggle?” Marlene asked, nodding at Sirius’s cigarette and pulling one of her own out of her pocket. “That’s a little rough, even for you. Shit gets in your lungs, or something.” 

Sirius shrugged, taking another long drag of smoke.

"They taste good and they look cool," he said. "Besides, it drives my mother mad. So it's a bonus." 

“Hm, mommy issues. Nice,” Marlene drawled. “Although anyone who named her son “serious” has to be pretty fucked up, I guess.” She smirked at Sirius and snapped her fingers, lighting her cigarette with an impressive piece of wandless magic. Sirius smirked, shoving Marlene playfully.

“Show off,” he teased. “And it’s not just mommy issues… It’s more like family issues.” He took another long pull from his cigarette, exhaling a plume of fragrant smoke. “And now...boy troubles.” Marlene’s eyebrows shot up, and she took her own cigarette from her lips, an impish grin playing across them.

“This boy wouldn’t happen to be a gangly, weirdly hot Prefect in need of a hair cut, would he?” 

"Hey, he does not need a haircut," Sirius said defensively, taking another drag. "But yeah. The problem is, he's snogging an annoyingly attractive Head Boy behind the greenhouses as we speak..." 

“Prewett? Really?” Marlene shook her head. “I never would’ve seen that one coming. What happened to the two of you?” she breathed out a tiny smoke-dragon, which quickly lost its form and dispersed into the chilly night air. 

“I don’t know,” Sirius said, voice strained in frustration as he ran his fingers through his long tresses. “One moment, he and I are so close that we’re nearly kissing. He spends the night cuddled up in bed with me. And after the Quidditch match I was going to confess to him, and I went to get drinks, and once I came back, there he was: snogging Fabian bloody Prewett and not me…” He snuffed out his cigarette, vanishing the butt before lighting another. “I dunno… Maybe he’ll never love me the way I love him. Maybe I should just…” 

“...Go out with someone else,” Marlene interrupted, grabbing the cigarette from his hand and replacing it with one of her own magical ones. “What you need is to have some fun, and not worry about love confessions and all that nonsense for a while. And for the love of Merlin, would you please just use one of mine, that Muggle smoke is gonna kill you before McGonagall gets the chance.”

Sirius frowned, eyeing the magical cigarette warily.

"My father smokes this brand," he said dubiously. "And...I dunno, Marlene. I don't want to string some bloke along..." He gave her a wry grin. "It's a shame we're both gayer than Christmas," the Animagus joked. "If not, you and I might have worked out and I wouldn't be so pathetic right now..." Marlene rolled her eyes dramatically.

“Look, Sirius, I know you never got over me, but this is just sad. Let the past go, lover boy.” She smirked at him, releasing another smoke-dragon before continuing. “You know, speaking of stringing boys along...have you ever met my brother? I think you’d get along nicely. And he’d be more than happy to help you get over your scrawny friend, if you’d like.” 

Sirius flushed, looking at Marlene in shock.

"Michael?" The Ravenclaw in question was fit, there was no denying that. Plus, he was the Seeker on the Ravenclaw team and took a few of the same electives. Clearly they had at least a few things in common. "I dunno, Marlene... I don't know how emotionally available I am and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings..." 

Marlene scoffed.

“Michael’s smart, Sirius, he wouldn’t expect anything you couldn’t give him. And besides, you’ve got more in common than you realize.” She dropped her cigarette and muttered a spell to keep it from reigniting, then looked up at him again. “I’ll tell him to talk to you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m expecting Dorcas any minute now…” she raised an eyebrow pointedly, and Sirius looked offended.

“Hey, I was here first,” he pointed out. “Besides, I didn’t think you two were…” he gestured vaguely, “a thing yet.” 

Marlene rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically.

“We aren’t  a ‘thing,’ yet. That’s kind of what I’m trying to make happen right now. And no offense, but you’re a bit of a mood-killer.” Sighing deeply, the Animagus rolled his eyes.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go. Hope you have better luck than I do in the romance department.” Sirius kissed her cheek affectionately. “Thanks for the pep talk.” 

Marlene smiled, leaning back against the wall and running a hand through her short hair in a movement reminiscent of James.

“Sure thing, love. Now move, I think I hear her coming up the stairs.”

Sirius saluted Marlene before turning to walk down the stairs of the tower. 

* * *

Remus was slightly out of breath by the time he began nearing the top of the stairs. His ribs ached a little, but he disregarded the feeling as he remembered the way that Sirius had been acting earlier. _I wonder what I did...is he really that angry that I left some little Marauders meeting? James has done it plenty of times and no one cared._

Sirius blinked in shock as he came face to face with Remus, his heart skipping a beat despite himself. “Oh… Moony,” he said, trying to stamp down the tumultuous emotions that flooded through him when he spotted the beginnings of a hickey on the taller boy’s neck. “Er… Marlene is up there, waiting for Dorcas Meadows, so we should probably…” he gestured to the stairs behind Remus. 

“Oh! Yeah, let’s…” Remus trailed off and turned around, brushing against Sirius in the cramped space. “I was just looking for you.” Sirius tensed as Remus brushed against him, biting the inside of his cheek hard.

“Oh… Why’s that?” he asked, trying desperately to keep his tone light. They had reached a spot on the stairs that had a small alcove to the left, and Remus suddenly turned into it, pulling Sirius with him.

“What’s your problem, Sirius?” He hadn’t meant for it to come out like that, but he couldn’t help feeling frustrated. He valued his friendship with Sirius almost too much, and it hurt to have him act the way he did. 

Sirius refused to meet Remus’s eyes, his gaze fixed on the floor.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he said, fighting down his tempestuous emotions. 

“I just mean...fuck, Pads, you know what I mean. What the hell was that this morning? Why can’t I spend an hour with my boyfriend without getting the full Cold-Hearted Black treatment? You’re never like that with James or Pete. You’ve actually encouraged it with them. Why am I different?” Remus’s heart sank as he felt tears building up behind his eyes, but he swallowed them, hardening the hurt into anger.

Sirius clenched his fists, digging his fingernails into his palms so hard that he drew blood. _Boyfriend. Prewett is his_ boyfriend _now._ Sirius forced himself to take a few deep breaths. He couldn’t lose it completely with Remus right in front of him like this.

“I thought you weren’t even sure if you wanted to be his boyfriend,” he said softly, still resolutely not meeting the werewolf’s eyes as he reminded him of his words the previous night. “Besides… Prewett’s a player. He goes after all the boys on the team. I just… I don’t want to see you getting hurt.” 

Remus stared at Sirius for a moment, processing.

“Well it’s not like anyone else would have me,” he said, bitterness tinging his voice. “Sometimes it’s nice to pretend that I’m normal, you know?” he bit his lip, wishing Sirius would look at him, but also glad he wouldn’t see whatever was in his eyes. “And thanks for your concern, but I think I can take care of myself, Black,” he finished icily. He waited a beat, then moved to leave the alcove. 

“Hey!” Sirius said, reaching for Remus’s arm and pulling him back.. “That’s not what I was saying and you know that,” he said firmly, finally meeting Remus’s eyes. “Anyone would be lucky to have you. I just…” he pulled his hand away, realizing that his blood was staining the white sleeve of the taller boy’s shirt. “Sorry,” he said softly, staring helplessly at his hands. 

“Sirius, are you ok?” Remus forgot himself for a moment, grabbing his friend’s wrists and staring down at the blood staining his palms. “Shit, Pads, I didn’t mean to…” he muttered a healing spell, but didn’t release Sirius, staring down at his hands and shaking slightly. “Are you alright?” 

“You didn’t,” Sirius said, staring down at their linked hands. “It was me.” The pureblood took a deep breath, meeting the werewolf’s gaze once more. “Look, Moony… Can we just chalk this morning up to me being a nutter and can I just apologize and we can forget about it?” he asked, hopeful. “I’m sorry for being an arse. You didn’t deserve it.” 

Remus stared at him for a moment, uncertain. Finally he gave up trying to read Sirius and nodded.

“Apology accepted.” He pulled Sirius closer, wrapping his arms around him and resting his chin on his shoulder. “I’m sorry too, Pads.”

The Animagus heart ached as he wrapped his arms around Remus and held him close.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Moony,” he said softly. “I’m always the one that messes things up, remember?” he said with a small laugh. “Everyone knows that.” 

“Hey, don’t talk about my best friend like that,” Remus chastised him, ruffling his hair and mustering a half-smile. _I’m the one who’s messing all of...this...up, this time,_ he thought. 

Sirius snuggled close to Remus, burying his face in his neck. “Sorry,” he murmured. _I really am too late,_ he thought miserably. _Remus and Fabian… Maybe I should take Marlene up on her offer after all. At the very least, it might help me keep my mind off of things._

“Shhhh,” Remus said soothingly,  running his hands gently through Sirius’s hair. “Why don’t we go find the others? Don’t we have some Mischief planned for tonight?” 

The shorter boy pulled away with a small nod. “Yeah… C’mon, let’s go.”


	21. In Which Sirius Seals a Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter the rather unfortunate nerd Michael; jealousy s experienced all around

That night at dinner, an unexpected visitor came to Gryffindor table, politely tapping Sirius on the shoulder. The long haired boy turned to see Michael McKinnon standing in front of him, albeit a little awkwardly. He was a little taller than Sirius, but built slim and compact. His hair was jet black like his twin sister’s, and the frames of his glasses complimented his heart-shaped face perfectly.

“Hi,” he said with a grin. “Can I talk to you for a moment?” Swallowing hard, Sirius nodded as he got to his feet.

“Er...sure,” he said. “Just a moment, gents.” Remus looked as if he were about to say something, but stayed quiet.

Michael led Sirius out of the great hall to a secluded stretch of hallway, looking slightly nervous and pushing his glasses up his nose several times, apparently out of habit more than anything else. 

“So…” Sirius said, looking up at Michael. “You wanted to talk. To me.” 

“Yeah,” Michael said, scratching the back of his neck. “Uh, I think my sister talked to you?” He blew a little huff of air out his nose, looking incredibly out of his element and blushing slightly. “About, er, you know…” 

Sirius nodded, his own cheeks stained pink.

“Right,” he said. “What are your thoughts about it?” 

“Well, I mean, it seems a bit...you’re in love with Remus Lupin, aren’t you?” the words fell out of his mouth in a jumble and even he seemed surprised to hear them. “Not to pry, or anything. I just think we, er, have something in common, on that front.” He shifted awkwardly, looking down at his feet. “Oh Merlin, now I’ve offended you...you know what, forget it. I’m leaving, sorry about this…” 

“Wait!” Sirius said, reaching for Michael’s arm and pulling him back. “Are you saying you’re in love with Remus, too?” 

“What?! Oh, no. Just...seems like everyone else in the world is, doesn’t it?” he asked, smiling sadly. Sirius frowned for a moment, confused, before it dawned on him.

“Oh. Oh… Fabian Prewett,” he said. “You’re in love with Fabian.” 

Michael’s blush deepened and he attempted a Marlene-esque scoff, which wasn’t quite believable on his cherubic face.

“I wouldn’t say in love, necessarily. Just...very, very fond. We’ve been paired off in a lot of classes, ever since first year. And he taught me how to ride a broom.” His face softened a little at the memory. 

“I see,” Sirius said, smirking. “And now you want to teach me how to ride a broom?” 

The older boy’s eyes widened and he choked on air.

“Erm--that’s not what I--oh, Merlin, why did I let Marlene talk me into this?” 

“Relax,” the shorter boy said with a laugh, nudging Michael playfully. “I’m only joking.” 

“Oh, good. Marlene made you out to be a bit...erm, wild. If you know what I mean.” He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath, then plunged onward. “So, do you want to do this? Whatever ‘this’ is, I mean?” Sirius rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“I might be a bit wild, but when it comes to things like this? Pure as the driven snow,” he assured Michael. “And...yeah. I think...maybe it’ll be good. For the both of us. Keep our minds off of them, you know?” 

Michael nodded slowly, then stuck his hand out.

“Then...it’s agreed, I guess?” 

Sirius raised an eyebrow at Michael’s outstretched hand. “You’re asking me out with a handshake? And here I thought romance was dead,” he teased, taking a step closer to the taller boy. 

Michael smiled awkwardly and let his arm drop.

“How else would I do it? Sealing the deal with a kiss seems a bit much, seeing as we’ve just met each other.” The Animagus took a step closer, hiding his apprehension behind his usual bravado.

"Still... If we're going to be dating..." Sirius trailed off, boldly reaching for Michael's hand when he saw Remus watching them in his periphery. It was petty of him, and he knew it, but it wasn't as if Remus was actually going to be jealous. Michael raised an eyebrow, but didn’t pull back as Sirius approached him. He could see Remus standing nearby, and the little twist of jealousy in his stomach lowered what inhibitions he had. Sirius stood up on his tiptoes and kissed Michael’s cheek, pulling away with a cheeky grin.

“So… Where will you be taking me on our first date, then?” he asked, stopping himself from looking at Remus to see his reaction. 

Michael laughed a little, loosening up visibly.

“What’s the cheesiest place you can think of?” he asked. “Money is no object, by the way. My parents will be thrilled that I’m rubbing elbows with the rich and ‘Noble,’ which will expand my budget considerably…” 

Sirius pulled a face.

"I'm not rich or 'noble'," he pointed out. "My parents are. But... Madam Puddifoot's? That's bound to be pretty awful." Once again, a grin was back on his face, although it didn't quite meet his eyes this time. 

Michael nodded.

“I’ll meet you here around noon, then?” Sirius nodded.

“Sure,” he said, gently nudging the older boy’s shoulder. “It’s a date.” 

* * *

 

Standing in the doorway, Remus struggled to control his emotions as he watched Sirius moving into Michael McKinnon’s space, sucking in his breath sharply when he kissed the taller boy’s cheek. _What the fuck is he--_ Remus bit his lip, cutting off his own thought. Seeing Sirius reaching out to touch Michael on the arm was somehow too much, though; he suddenly found himself walking up to the couple.

“Hey, Padfoot, I need you in the library...I have some ideas for the...thing we’re doing later, if you have time?” 

Sirius blinked, pulling away from Michael.

“Sure,” he said, sounding much more confident than he felt. He turned to face the older boy once more. “Talk you later?” 

“Er...sure. Bye, Sirius. Remus.” Michael’s smile was slightly less than sincere, but his voice never lost the sunny tone that set him and his sister apart.

Sirius looked expectantly at Remus as they made their way towards the library.

“So what are we looking up?” he asked, eyebrow raised. 

_Shit, didn’t think of_ that _, did you, Remus?_

“Erm, I was just--I thought, maybe, we could look at...sticking charms,” Remus finished lamely. He glanced at Sirius out the corner of his eye, trying to gauge how well his lie was going over. 

“Sticking charms.” Sirius repeated, looking skeptical. “Right.”

“Could come in useful, you know. For…” Remus trailed off, hoping that Sirius would be struck by genius and end the sentence for him. 

The pureblood chuckled, shaking his head fondly. “Whatever you say, Moony.” Nudging the werewolf playfully, they continued on their way to the library.


	22. In Which Sirius Has Made a Discovery, and Remus Thinks He Has

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders explore a new passageway, and certain feelings boil over.

Sirius waited eagerly for Remus to meet him at the newly discovered passageway; James and Peter were raiding the kitchens and would be joining them later. The werewolf had been acting strangely towards him since he had interrupted him and Michael McKinnon earlier that day, and the Animagus was curious as to why. 

Remus tugged nervously at the hem of his sweater as he walked down the hall. When he reached the passage, he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to clear the image of Sirius kissing Michael from his mind. _It doesn’t matter, you tosser. So he’s with Michael now, so what? You’ve got Fabian. Fabian, your_ boyfriend _, who you like a lot…_ ”Bloody hell,” he muttered frustratedly. 

Sirius smiled at Remus when he spotted him, waving him over.

“What’s wrong?” he asked once he saw the expression on the other boy’s face, his own features changing to confused concern. 

“Nothing,” Remus said, eyes snapping open at the sound of his friend’s voice. “Just, erm, a little tired. So what’s the plan here?”

“Well,” Sirius said, draping an arm over Remus’s shoulders. “I stumbled upon this passageway. I think that it goes all the way to Hogsmeade. If we can just get into Zonkos…” 

“Sirius, that’s brilliant!” Remus brightened as he realized the implications of Sirius’s discovery. “We could go to Hogsmeade whenever we wanted...how the hell did you find this passage anyway?” 

Sirius shrugged, practically glowing from the praise.

"I was just doing some exploring for the map, you know, trying different spells on different statues. I got lucky, I suppose," he said with a grin. Remus shook his head in amazement.

“Got high on felix felicis, more like. Are James and Peter coming with?” The pureblood nodded.

"They'll be around after a bit," he said. "I think we should go in first, though. They can catch up later." 

“Alright. After you?” Remus eyed the entrance doubtfully. It would be quite a squeeze if they tried to go in side-by-side. 

Sirius nodded, taking out his wand and tapping the statue of the One-Eyed Crone. “Dissendium,” he said clearly, watching as the witch’s hump opened up to reveal a short slide giving way to a passageway. Turning to Remus, the Animagus grinned, saluted, and slide down the slide into the passage.

Remus swallowed nervously, shifting his sweater around until he felt a bit more secure, then squeezed his eyes shut and followed his friend down into the darkness. 

* * *

 

Sirius caught Remus at the bottom of the slide, steadying him.

“Alright, Moony?” he asked, gently brushing some hair out of Remus’s eyes. 

Remus shivered at the contact, sucking in air involuntarily.

“Er--yeah, fine. Just a bit of surprise entrance, I guess,” he said quickly, hoping Sirius wouldn’t notice his reaction to his proximity. _Get a grip, Lupin._ The Animagus grinned, winking playfully at Remus.

“Well, you know me: I _do_ love an entrance,” he said with a chuckle, reluctantly pulling away. _He doesn’t fancy you, Black, dial it back a notch. You have Michael now, anyways._  ...However superficially. 

Rolling his eyes, Remus brushed himself off and took a deep breath before glancing around the shadowy passageway.

“So...what next?” He moved forward a bit to close the gap between him and Sirius, telling himself it wouldn’t do for him to be standing in front of the slide when James and Peter came careening down it in a few minutes. 

Sirius shrugged, grinning.

“How about you and I do some exploring?” 

“Sounds good.” Remus grinned back, feeling the anticipation build at the thought of exploring a new part of the castle. They hadn’t done anything like this since Third Year. Glancing around the gloomy surroundings, he chose a direction at random and headed off, grabbing Sirius’s hand without thinking as he moved into the darkness. 

Sirius’s heart skipped a beat as he held Remus’s hand in his own, daringly stroking the back of it with his thumb. It was so much easier to be brave like this in the dark. What Sirius wouldn’t give to just stop, lean in, and kiss Remus on the lips… 

“Oi, what the bloody hell, Pete? I told you to wait til I hit the bottom! Aaaah, I think I broke my arm…” James’s voice rang out suddenly, following a solid thump that could only be the sound of his and Peter’s bodies hitting the ground. 

Sirius bit back a curse. He had hoped James and Peter would take longer to meet them.

"Shh! Do you want Filch to find us?"

“He broke my fuc--” James stopped talking abruptly as he caught sight of Remus and Sirius’s clasped hands, just visible in the gloom. Remus took advantage of his silence to grab his arm, using his heightened sight to inspect it.

“You’ve got a little bruising, is all. You’ll be fine,” he said, rolling his eyes. “You alright, Wormtail?” 

Peter nodded as he brushed off some dust on his robes. "I'm fine."

Sirius squeezed Remus's hand slightly, tugging him towards the tunnel. "C'mon, let's go..." 

The four quickly began to make their way forward, but James managed to grab hold of Sirius’s arm and drag him slightly backward at the same time.

“What the hell is going on here, Black?” he hissed. 

Sirius frowned, confused. "What are you on about?" he asked defensively, jerking his arm away. 

“I just heard something about you and Michael McKinnon. And then we tumble down here and find you two...canoodling, or something! What’s going on with you, Pads?” James’s voice was low enough that only Sirius could hear it, his breath warming his ear. 

Sirius glared at James, grey eyes flashing.

"We were not _canoodling_ , it was dark and Remus grabbed my hand," he whispered indignantly. "And so what if I'm seeing Michael? It's not as if the person I really want is available!" 

“And that’s a decent reason to lead some poor bloke on?” James struggled to keep his voice low as the pair fell further behind Peter and Remus. “I guess Remus really dodged a bullet here, didn’t he. Bloody brilliant at this, aren’t you?” he shook his head in disbelief. “I love you, but sometimes... _Merlin_ , Sirius. I don’t know.” 

"I'm not leading him on!" Sirius said defensively, hurt by James's accusations. "For your information, Michael has feelings for someone else, too. We're just trying to move on from people we can't have. So can you just leave me to lick my wounds in peace without you making gross assumptions?" 

James’s eyebrows rose a fraction of an inch, but he stayed silent, allowing Sirius to move ahead of him as he shook his head slowly.

The long-haired boy moved ahead, fuming. James was his best mate. How could he think those things about him? And the dig about Remus having dodged a bullet... That was a low blow. 

* * *

Remus felt a slight chill and turned to find Sirius gone from his side. Shivering, he slowed his steps slightly until he fell in with Peter.

“Great passage, isn’t it?” he said conversationally, trying not to notice the difference in his friends’ presences by his side. Peter was solid and somewhat reassuring, but there was no electricity coursing through Remus’s veins as they walked together, no secret tension between them (however one-sided). 

“We’ll know how great it is once we find out exactly where it leads,” Peter said wisely as he looked around. “Then again, at least it’s dry and not damp like some of the other passages…”

Remus nodded, and the two continued on for a while in companionable silence as Sirius and James whispered furiously at each other a few paces behind.

“What’s wrong with James today?” he asked conversationally after a few minutes. 

Peter shrugged, digging in his school bag for a muffin and handing it to Remus before grabbing one of his own. “Lily told him off again. You’d think he’d be used to it by now, but there you go,” he said with a sigh, rolling his eyes.

Sirius stalked past Remus and Peter, obviously fuming. Peter shook his head.

“Uh oh… Looks like they had a fight.” 

“I’d better go talk to him...you want to take James?” Remus asked, glancing toward Sirius distractedly. 

Peter looked at Remus knowingly. “Sure.”

Ahead of them, Sirius was glaring straight ahead of him, so angry that he could hardly pay attention to where he was going. Sparks flew from the tip of his wand. 

Remus caught up to Sirius in a few quick strides, laying a hand on his shoulder gently. His other hand wrapped around Sirius’s wrist deftly and he took his friend’s wand, knowing that the concentrated stream of magic it was emitting would inevitably do him more harm than good. He stayed silent, waiting for Sirius to tell him what had happened. 

“One day Prongs is going to push the wrong damn button,” Sirius seethed, allowing Remus to take his wand. “I’m not speaking to him again until he apologizes. He went too far.” 

“What did he do?” Remus asked softly, leaving his hand on Sirius’s shoulder as they walked. 

Sirius almost tripped on an uneven patch of floor, thinking fast.

“He’s giving me shit for going out with Michael,” he said. That was part of the truth, anyways. 

“He--really? Are you sure you didn’t misunderstand him, Sirius? I mean, he’s always been fine with...you know, things,” Remus said carefully. 

“I’m sure,” Sirius said darkly. “Apparently James can’t handle the fact that I’m seeing someone while he practically stalks Evans.” 

Remus frowned. _It’s not as if I disagree, but--_ no _. He’s allowed to date people, Remus._

“He hasn’t said anything to me,” Remus pointed out. “Look, Sirius, I believe that he must have said something that upset you but...Pads, are you certain this isn’t about something else?” he slid his arm around Sirius’s waist, hoping he wouldn’t feel attacked by Remus now. 

Sirius thought quickly. He didn’t want to lie, but he could hardly tell Remus the entire truth, either.

“He doesn’t like that I’m dating Michael when he’s not the one that...I have strong feelings for,” the pureblood said carefully. “But as I can’t be with the person I want, and Michael can’t be with the person he wants, either…and Michael and I have both been honest about that, I hardly think I’m being unfair about this whole thing.” 

Suddenly, Remus had a sinking feeling deep in his stomach.

“Sirius, can I ask--are you absolutely sure this boy you like is...unattainable, or whatever? Is it--does he like someone else, or are you just too afraid to ask him, or--have you talked to him about it...” he hardly knew where his thought was going, but he was certain he wouldn’t like the answer he got. _Why couldn’t you keep your mouth shut, Lupin…_

“He likes someone else,” Sirius said with a sigh, not daring to look at Remus. “So over the moon for this other person and it’s all I bloody hear about… I’m honestly not sure if I ever stood a chance,” he said, voice barely a whisper. He was saying too much. What if Remus figured it out? 

Remus could hear his blood pounding in his ears, his breath catching in his throat. The world got a little darker, and his grip on Sirius tightened as he began to feel a bit light-headed. _James_.

“I--I’m sorry. I think…” Remus never finished his sentence. The darkness closed in rather quickly, and the last thing he saw was Sirius’s stormy face. 

“Remus!” Sirius exclaimed, catching the other boy before he could fall to the ground and hurt himself. “Remus, are you alright?!” _Fuck… He’s figured it out. He’s figured out I’m head over heels for him and he’s bloody fainted at the thought._ The Animagus brushed the hair away from Remus’s face, immediately reaching under the werewolf’s shirt to loosen his binder so that he could breathe easier. “Remus…!” 

Behind him, Peter and James stopped mid-sentence and came running, skidding to a stop next to their unconscious friend.

“What the hell happened?” James demanded, kneeling down and checking his friend’s pulse.

“We need to get him to Madame Pomfrey,” Peter said. “Come on, we’re not that far in.”

“I’ll carry him,” Sirius said, gathering Remus in his arms as they headed out of the passage. “And I don’t know, he just...fainted.” 

James frowned.

“Well, let’s get him out of here. You sure you can handle him alone?” 

Sirius held Remus, carrying him quite easily. He refused to speak to James.

* * *

Once they reached the hospital wing, Remus disappeared in a flurry of activity as Pomfrey whisked him away to his usual bed and shooed the three boys out. The minute the door had closed, Peter slid down the wall and sat with a thump on the floor, and James began to pace furiously. There was no question of returning to the dorm. It was going to be a long night.


	23. In Which There Is Much Hyper-Masculine Posturing

Sirius woke up snuggled against Remus’s side in his hospital bed, face pressed up against the werewolf’s neck. He was loathe to pull away. Being here with Remus felt safe and comforting, but he still wanted the taller boy to wake up. “Moony,” he whispered, brushing a lock of hair away from the other boy’s eyes. “Moony, wake up…”

“Mmmmph?” Remus hummed sleepily, rolling over and nuzzling up against Sirius’s chest.

Sirius's heart ached as the other boy snuggled against him, squeezing him slightly. "Remus, you need to wake up..."

“‘M awake…” Remus shifted closer to Sirius before cracking an eye open and looking up at his face. “Why was I asleep?”

"You fainted," Sirius said gently, as if Remus might faint again. "We had to bring you to the hospital wing."

“Not again…” Remus groaned, closing his eye once more. He had spent his first three years at Hogwarts fainting whenever he was overworked, overexcited, or the moon was becoming full; but for the past year he had been improving by leaps and bounds, as he grew into his lycanthropy. “This is just fucking embarrassing.”

Sirius squeezed Remus gently, reassuring. "Don't worry about it. Was your--could you not breathe properly?" he asked, referring to the other boy's binder.

Remus moaned softly into Sirius’s shirt. “That’s what it was, wasn’t it? I’m a bloody idiot...I just didn’t want Fabian to see--you know--”

Sirius gently rubbed Remus's back, frowning slightly. "Haven't you told him?" he asked, before hurriedly adding, "not that you _have_ to, of course! I just thought that you had."

Remus shifted away slightly, rubbing his eyes. “Not yet. I just...I don’t know. I don’t know how he’ll react; I’m not ready. I will tell him, though. Eventually.” He felt a tiny pang of guilt in his gut as he said it. He hated treating this as the same kind of deep, dark secret as his lycanthropy, but everything was so incredibly easy with Fabian. It was hard to give that up for such a serious and potentially game-changing conversation.

Sirius nodded his understanding, squeezing Remus gently in reassurance. "I'm sure everything will go fine," he said, doing his best to ignore his own jealousy. "He'd have to be a complete idiot let anything get in the way of being with you."

"Well, I’m sure I can set you on him if he does react badly,” Remus quipped, sitting up and stretching.

“You know you can,” Sirius agreed, missing the feeling of the other boy in his arms. He sat up as well, gently laying his hand on the werewolf’s. “You always have me.”

Remus turned away, squeezing his eyes shut and biting his lip. _If only you really meant that…_ “I know, Pads. But hopefully it won’t come to that,” he added, turning back and smiling half-heartedly at his friend. As he did so, a strand of hair fell across his face, causing him to huff in annoyance.

Sirius leaned forward and brushed another impulsive kiss against the taller boy’s cheek only to find himself being roughly pulled to his feet by his collar and face to face with a livid Fabian Prewett. “Mind telling me what you’re doing with my boyfriend, _Black_?” the Head Boy growled.

Remus quickly grabbed the blanket, pulling it up higher as he stared at the older boy. “What the--Fabian! Calm _down_ , for Merlin’s sake--” his voice cracked a bit and he mentally cursed Fabian’s timing--he hadn’t had his potions in a few days and they were beginning to wear off. He watched in consternation as Sirius attempted to free himself from the rather more sturdily-built Head Boy’s grasp.  

“He was kissing you!” Fabian said, cheeks flaming in anger as red as his hair. “And he was in _bed_ with you!”

“For fuck’s sake, put me _down_!” Sirius growled, kicking ineffectively at Fabian’s shins while the older boy ignored him.

“Oh, fuck...Look, Fabian, if you’ll just put him down and give me a minute, I can explain this. Can you just--just meet me in the Common Room in five minutes, alright? I’ll get Pomfrey to let me go and then you’ll see there’s nothing to get worked up about. And Sirius, for Christ’s sake, _stop kicking my boyfriend_!”

“I’ll stop _kicking_ him when he puts me _down_!” Sirius retorted, glaring pointedly at the redhead as he tried in vain to break the iron grip he had on his collar.

Glaring at Sirius suspiciously, Fabian lowered him to the ground before turning to look at Remus once again. “Fine… But Black comes with me,” he said, ignoring Sirius’s protests.

“Fine,” Remus said shortly. “But if either of you has any bruises after this I’m not speaking to you again.” He looked pointedly at Sirius, then flicked his gaze over to Fabian. They hadn’t been together long enough to know what to expect from him; this outburst was certainly far from expected.

"Fine,” Fabian and Sirius agreed through gritted teeth, crossing their arms over their chests and glaring at each other. The effect was rather comical.

Remus pursed his lips impatiently. “Would you please get out of here? I need to--um…” he quickly ran possible excuses through his mind. “I have…” The look on Fabian’s face made him panic as he thought of what his blanket was currently hiding. “I haven’t got any pants on!”

Both Fabian and Sirius flushed bright red, their eyes both darting to the blanket covering Remus's lap before coughing and looking away. Fabian recovered first.

"Hang on... He was in bed with you and you're not wearing _pants_?!"

Sirius glared at Fabian, grabbing his arm and tugging him towards the door. "Come _on_!"

Remus groaned at his own blunder. “I’ll explain to you later!” He called after Fabian’s retreating figure.

Sirius pulled Fabian out the door and down the hall, fuming. “You’ve _embarrassed_ him,” he accused once he released the taller boy, glaring up at him. “Don’t _do_ that to him.”

Fabian stared at Sirius in disbelief for a moment. “ _I_ embarrassed him? You were in bed with him when he _DIDN’T HAVE ANY PANTS ON_. You really think that wasn’t embarrassing for him, Black?”

Sirius rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s not like you think,” he said firmly. “You should exercise some trust in Remus, you know.”

“I _do_ trust Remus,” Fabian retorted. “I just don’t trust _you_.” He glared down at the younger boy.

Sirius’s eyes widened before narrowing. “You really think that I would… That I would _do_ something that Remus didn’t _want_ me to?” he said, voice dangerously low. “You think I would take _advantage_ of him?”

“I think you’re an idiotic, pureblood little _prick_ who’s got a crush on my boyfriend. And I think you’re not used to not getting _exactly_ what you want.” Fabian leaned down, eye-level with Sirius. “And I also think that if you ever _do_ make Remus uncomfortable, you’re going to _seriously_ regret it.” He straightened up, smirking slightly. “And yeah, that was a pun on your stupid name.”

Sirius clenched his hands into fists, gritting his teeth. It was taking everything in him not to punch the redhead in his stupid, smug face. “That’s rich, coming from you, _Prewett_ ,” he spat, grey eyes blazing. “You’re used to everyone falling at your feet and doing whatever you say. And I would _never_ make Remus uncomfortable,” he growled. “He’s my best friend.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Fabian said dismissively. “I’ve waited years for Remus, and he certainly never ‘fell at my feet.’ And I’m sure you’d never do anything on purpose, or if you thought it would get you in trouble. So just know I’ll be around, to make certain of that.” He stepped back a few paces, moving toward a seat near the fire. “Now if you’ll excuse me, Remus should be here any minute.”

Sirius gave a derisive snort. “Years my arse! You knew he was following you around like a puppy dog years ago, but you were to busy flirting with Michael McKinnon!” The Animagus dug his fingernails so hard into the meat of his palm that they drew blood, giving Fabian a look of pure hatred. “And the same goes to you,” he said dangerously. “If you ever hurt Remus, I’ll hurt you ten times worse.”

“Don’t you dare threaten me, Black.” Closing his eyes briefly, he steadied himself, breathing deeply. “And for Merlin’s sake, we’ve all had our hopeless straight boy crushes. Don’t tell me you weren’t mooning over Potter when you first realised you liked boys? You can’t really expect me to apologise for an infatuation I had two years ago.”

“It’s not a threat, it’s a promise.” Sirius assured Fabian before his brow furrowed in confusion. “‘Straight boy crush’? That’s funny, considering Michael is seeing me now.”

Fabian paled, stunned. “What are you talking about?”

“Michael McKinnon,” Sirius said smugly. “He asked me out to Hogsmeade this morning and I agreed.” The dark haired boy made a mental note about Fabian’s reaction. Maybe things weren’t as hopeless for Michael as the other boy had thought.

“Well, then, there’s no reason for you to be harassing my half-naked boyfriend, is there?” Fabian said pointedly. “Now get out of here before I find a reason to give you a detention.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do,” Sirius said defiantly.  

“Oh, no?” Fabian asked, stepping forward. At that moment, Remus stumbled over the threshold and into the common room.

“Fabian?”

Sirius gave Fabian one last hateful glance before turning sharply on his heel and stomping up the stairs to the dormitory. The redhead turned to face Remus.

“Yes, love?”

“Do you want to...er…” Remus gestured at the nearest couch. _This is not going to be fun..._

Fabian nodded, taking Remus’s hand and leading him over to the couch, sitting down and giving Remus an expectant look.

“So...erm, I fainted,” Remus started awkwardly. “James and Sirius and Peter and I were...hanging out. And I fainted. So they took me up to the hospital wing, and they do this thing where they look after me in shifts...It could just as easily have been Pete or James with me when you came in.” He glanced up briefly, trying to gauge Fabian’s reaction.

The Head Boy raised an eyebrow. “So all of your friends crawl into bed with you when you’re not wearing pants?” he asked, clearly disbelieving.

“Well--I mean--you know I meant _trousers_ , right?” Remus flushed. “And we’re... _close_. All of us. No one’s even sure which bed is whose anymore, honestly.” Memories of Sirius’s warm body curled up against him came unbidden to his mind, and he pushed them aside, trying to focus on Fabian’s presence a mere foot from him.

“Close,” Fabian repeated slowly, eyebrow still raised. “So...why was Black kissing you, then?”

“Oh, that’s just Sirius,” Remus said. “It doesn’t mean anything.” _As much as I wish it did._ He pushed that thought aside as well, biting his lip.

“So...there’s nothing going on there?” the redhead pressed, brown eyes locked with Remus’s. “Nothing at all?”

“Nothing,” Remus echoed, nodding. Absolutely nothing…

Fabian nodded, seeming satisfied. “Good,” he said, moving a little closer to Remus, “because I think Black has a crush on you.”

“ _Wh_ \--that’s _not_ \--” The Prefect’s heart skipped a beat at Fabian’s words, against his will. “Sirius likes someone _else_ , Fabian, he told me. He’s just...affectionate. Trust me.”

“I do trust you,” Fabian said, taking Remus’s hand. “I just don’t trust _him_.”

“Well you’re going to have to, because I trust him. This isn’t going to work if you don’t get along with my friends, alright?” He took Fabian’s hand, looking into his eyes as steadily as he could.

Fabian blinked, slightly taken aback by Remus’s firmness. “Right… Right, I’m sorry. I guess I...overreacted.”

Remus’s face softened, and he smiled a little at his boyfriend. “I think maybe you need to spend some time with them. There’s a reason we’ve been friends since first year, you know. I think you and James might be good friends.”

Fabian looked guilty. “Um… I don’t know about that. I...acted like an asshole just right,” he admitted. “I don’t think I’ve endeared myself to your friends.”

“No, you haven’t,” Remus said dryly. “But you mean a lot to me, so they’re going to put in effort too. And you don’t have to be best friends, you just have to get along. For my sake.”

Fabian nodded, leaning in to kiss Remus sweetly. "Anything for you," he whispered.

“Good.” Remus smiled. “Because we’re planning a prank that I need your help with.” He kissed him lightly and drew back. “And if you’re in on it you can’t give us detentions.”

The Head Boy grinned, leaning in for another kiss. "Mmm... I'm in."


	24. In Which Everything is Awkward

Sirius stared helplessly at his bleeding palms, taking some deep breaths as he tried to think of anything other than the fact that Remus and Fabian were most likely snogging downstairs. _Why does this have to hurt so much?_ he wondered. _Why does this have to be so complicated?_

“Sirius?” Remus opened the door slowly, glancing around the room in search of his friend. “Sirius, can we talk?”

Sirius turned to face Remus, hiding his bloody hands behind his back. “Sure. What is it?”

“May I?” Remus tilted his head toward the empty expanse of bed near Sirius. “I think we need to talk about...well, about Fabian, and me.”

 _Oh bloody wonderful…_ “Maybe you should sit in your own bed and I should sit in mine, lest your boyfriend come in and decide to lift me of the bloody floor again,” Sirius said bitterly, not meeting Remus’s eyes. 

Remus swallowed, standing motionless between the two beds.

“Sirius…” he stepped forward tentatively. “I’m sorry about that. Really.” 

“ _You’re_ not the one who should be sorry,” the Animagus pointed out, sitting down on his bed and staring at his hands again.

“Look, Pads, Fabian’s sorry as well...it just, it did look a bit...I mean, we were _in bed_ together, Sirius. And you did kiss me. You have to admit that’s a bit damning, to someone who doesn’t know us.” He took another step toward Sirius, stopping a few inches short of him.

“We’ve slept in the same bed since _first year_ ,” Sirius pointed out, still staring at his hands. “And it was a _cheek_ kiss.”

“I told him that.” Remus stared down at Sirius’s head, his vision filled with raven hair. “It’s, erm, it’s just a bit unusual, I guess. I hadn’t thought much about it before...but I’ve straightened everything out now. And Sirius?”

“What?” the pureblood asked, finally meeting Remus’s eyes.

“I need you to be civil with Fabian.” Remus chewed his lip nervously. “He’s agreed to try and get on with all of us, but I need you to try as well...you both mean a lot to me, and I don’t want to lose either of you.” He knelt down suddenly, resting a hand on Sirius’s shoulder as he arrived at eye-level with him. “I need you, Sirius.”

Sirius wished he could close the distance between them and kiss Remus, to show him just how much he needed him, too, but he couldn’t. Instead, he nodded. “Fine,” he sighed dully, “I’ll play nice.”

“Thank you.” Remus leaned in, swiftly planting a kiss on Sirius’s cheek before standing up. “I think James and Pete are in the library now. Why don’t we go find them and plan this next prank?”

Sirius blinked in surprise at the kiss, finding himself cracking a smile and nodding. “Yeah, sure,” he said. “Let’s go.”

“Oh, by the way, I invited Fabian to join us. I thought it might help if you got to know each other outside of...well, hypermasculine posturing,” Remus added as they headed down the stairs.

The smile faded. “I don’t know,” Sirius said warily, staring back at his hands. “Maybe I should sit this one out… He doesn’t like me. He thinks I’m just like my family and that… Well, that I’m not good for you.” _And maybe he’s right… Maybe I’ll never be good enough for you…_

“The fuck you’re sitting this out,” Remus burst out. “Sirius, you just said you would _try_ to make this work. You’re my best mate. And obviously you’re not like your family; he just doesn’t know you like I do. _Please_ just do this for me.”

“I’d do anything for you,” Sirius said honestly, still staring at his hands. “I just… Fabian hates me and James is mad at me… I don’t see how we can get anything done if half the people there don’t want me there.”

Remus sighed.

“No one hates you, Sirius. And if he does, then it just won’t work out. I’m not going to let you just...fade out of my life, alright? And I certainly won’t let you and James be pricks for much longer. So come on, we’ve got a prank to plan.”

Sirius’s hands balled into fists. “I’ll go. But I’m still not speaking to James until he apologizes,” he said firmly.

“Fine. _Drama queen_ ,” Remus muttered.

Sirius glared at Remus, stung. “Do you want me to come or not?”

“Of course I do,” Remus replied, wrapping a hand around Sirius’s fist and waiting for him to open it. “Have you got any ideas for the prank?”

Sirius opened his hand, forgetting for a moment that he was bleeding. “Well… Zonko’s just released Frog Spawn Soap and I got my hands on some… I was thinking maybe we could slip some to Snivellus? He could use it.”

Remus snorted.

“Perfect.”

~*~

James, Fabian, and Peter were already bent over a rather large scroll when Sirius and Remus arrived at the library. James’s hair was more ruffled than usual, and Peter appeared to be stress-eating a rather large cauldron of cheese.

Sirius sat down as far away from James as he could, pointedly not looking at the bespectacled boy. The tension was noticed by everyone. It simply wasn’t normal for James and Sirius to not be talking, and to top it all off, there was a non-Marauder in their midst, planning a prank with them.

“Hey,” Remus said softly, letting go of Sirius’s hand and making his way to stand at Fabian’s side.

Fabian reached for Remus’s hand, frowning. “Love, your hand is covered in blood. Are you alright?”

“I--what?” Remus glanced down at his hand, flinching when he saw the red liquid. “That--it isn’t mine. I don’t think? I’m not bleeding,” he stuttered.

Fabian muttered a quick cleaning charm, leaving Remus’s hand clean. He glanced at Sirius, who was hurriedly healing his injured palms, his eyes narrowing. “No… I’m sure you weren’t.”

“Thanks,” Remus said, kissing Fabian’s cheek. “Now, what were you three planning?”

“I already _told_ you the plan,” Sirius said, looking away from Fabian and Remus’s display of affection. “We sneak Frog Spawn Soap into the Slytherin showers.”

“Right! Everyone on board with that?” Remus asked diplomatically, looking around at his friends, each of whom seemed somehow more awkward than the last.

Everyone else at the table nodded, all looking rather self-conscious. If Fabian noticed the subdued atmosphere, he didn't show it. Instead, he made a show of putting his hand on Remus's knee. The sight made Sirius's blood boil.

Remus shivered slightly at the contact, smiling faintly up at Fabian.

“So who’s got the soap?” his glance immediately went to Sirius, who seemed to be glowering at the farthest end of the table.

Sirius sighed, not meeting Remus's eyes. "I told you _earlier_ ," he said, voice strained, "I have some in my trunk."

“Oh, yeah, er--right. Sorry,” Remus replied quickly. His eyes flicked back to Fabian.

“Bit distracted, are you, Rem?” James asked cheekily.

Sirius closed his eyes and counted to ten, silently willing himself not to punch James (or Fabian, for that matter,) in the face. Just because Fabian and Remus were together didn’t mean Sirius needed his nose rubbed in it. _This meeting couldn’t be over fast enough._

“I should probably go...I have a foot of potions essay due tomorrow. And I’d hate to be a distraction,” Fabian winked at Remus, who blushed, mirroring Fabian as he stood and keeping their hands intertwined. “When are we going to do this thing?”

Sirius looked anywhere but at Remus and Fabian's interlaced fingers. "Tonight," he murmured. "We should do it tonight."

"Excellent," Fabian said with a grin, giving Sirius a pointed look before pulling Remus in for a deep, passionate kiss. Sirius bit the inside of his cheek until it bled, doing everything he could to avoid Fabian's obvious taunting.

“How about eleven o’clock, and we’ll meet in that old closed-off classroom near the dungeons?” Peter suggested, a note of forced brightness making his voice crack slightly as he tried to break the obvious tension in the room.

“Sounds good to me,” James replied, studiously ignoring Sirius as he turned to Peter.

“See you then?” Remus asked, looking to Fabian.

“I can’t wait. Bye, love.” The redhead brushed a lock of hair out of Remus’s face before he left, smiling down at his boyfriend fondly.

The long haired boy stared down at his hands, ignoring the exchange. _Fabian's doing all of this on purpose just to get to me, the wanker..._

Remus used watching Fabian leave as an excuse to hide his lingering blush from his friends. _That was a bit...over the top,_ he thought. _Not that I’m complaining._

Sirius ignored the icy pain in his chest, standing up. "If we're done here, I'm going out for a smoke," he said, not meeting anyone's eyes.

“Want some company?” Peter offered, pushing his chair back.

Sirius blinked, surprised at Peter's offer. Usually Peter tried to steer clear of him when he was obviously in a mood. "Er... Sure. You can come if you like."

“Right!” Peter said, looking a bit surprised himself. “I’ll see you chaps later.” He scooped a scroll off the table and stashed it in his bag, then went to Sirius’s side. “After you!” 

Sirius gave one last fleeting glance to Remus before leaving the library with Peter following after him, leading him out onto the grounds. Once they were outside, the long haired boy reached into his pocket for his muggle clove cigarettes, placing one between his lips and lighting it with his wand. He inhaled deeply, exhaling through his his nostrils as he allowed the smoke to calm the storm within him. After a moment, he turned to Peter.

“So… What made you volunteer?” he asked. “You usually get as far away from me as humanly possible when I’m like this…”

“Couldn’t stand all the tension in there,” Peter admitted. “And no one was taking your side in...whatever this is. Not that I’m taking sides. Just...you know.” 

“Great,” Sirius snorted, taking a long drag of his cigarette. “So it’s a pity party, then?” 

“Gimme one of those,” Peter replied, his voice notably devoid of pity. “If I stayed with them, it would have cut you out of the group, at least until whatever this was resolved. Would’ve set everything off. Have you ever spent a week with only James and Remus? Because I have, and it’s nothing but those stupid Beetles or Butterflies or whatever, and there’s no one to shut James up about Evans. Absolute hell.” 

Sirius raised an eyebrow, handing Peter a cigarette. “You don’t smoke, Pete,” he said, “but I guess now’s as good a time to start as any.” He was quiet for a moment, looking out over the grounds. “...I can’t believe Remus brought Fabian Prewett to a Marauders meeting,” he said finally, “and James just sat there, not saying a bloody word about it, the tosser.” 

Peter was silent as he took a drag on the Muggle cigarette.

“I _do_ smoke,” he said. “That’s got to be the only thing none of the Marauders know about me. Funny, isn’t it? How something like that could just...not come up...in all these years?” he glanced over at Sirius, who didn’t seem very interested in his secret smoking double life. “Fabian was actually trying, you know. At least, before you showed up. He’s a decent bloke. And he’s making an effort for Remus’s sake, which is really bloody admirable with you treating him like that.” He paused, looking thoughtful. “Not that I would behave any better in your situation, I guess."

The dark haired boy glowered. "So sorry for not trying hard enough when Fabian snogs Remus right in front of me after he's already threatened me and insinuated that I'd take advantage of Remus!" Sirius spat. "First James, now you! I'm _so bloody sick of this_!" 

“After he _what_?” Peter’s eyes widened. “He said you’d--you’d do _that_? To _Remus_?”

“Yes,” Sirius said, eyes stormy, “because apparently I’m a ‘ _pureblood little prick_ ’ who’s not used to not getting exactly what I want.” He took another long drag from his cigarette, fuming. “As if I would _ever_ hurt Remus. As if I would _ever_ do anything to him without his consent…”

“Fuck, that’s...I had no idea,” Peter muttered. “For what it’s worth, we all know you’d never do that. Remus especially, I’m sure.”

“So I’m sure you can see why I’m not in a particularly good mood right now, especially after watching James practically kiss Fabian’s arse,” Sirius grumbled. “I think I played quite nice, considering.” 

“Yeah. Um, Padfoot, have you talked to James about that? Because I think he’d be kicking Fabian’s arse if he knew.” Peter bit the inside of his mouth awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot with nervous energy.

Sirius shook his head. inhaling his smoke deeply. “He’s too busy giving me shit for accepting Michael’s invitation to Hogsmeade.”

One of Peter’s eyebrows raised a fraction of an inch, but he knew enough to keep quiet.

“You know you’re both really stubborn, Sirius. One of you has to talk first.”

“Then why can’t it be James?” he countered. “He’s the one that owes me the apology. He even said that Remus dodged a bullet by not being with me. It shouldn’t be me that has to make the first move.”

Peter’s face hardened slightly, and his eyes darkened.

“Do you want to be right, or do you want to be friends with James, Sirius? Because right now you can’t be both.”

“Why does no one give James these pep talks?” Sirius said angrily. “Why I am the one who’s always expected to take the high road?”

“You think that isn’t exactly what Remus is doing right now?” Peter scoffed. “You really know your friends, don’t you?”

"It just feels like everyone is hanging up on me today," Sirius amended with a deep sigh. "There's enough on my mind already without all of...this." 

Peter nodded soberly. “I know. But please, for the love of Merlin--talk to James. I’m going to go find Rems now, he promised to help me with Charms before the prank.” He dropped his cigarette on the ground, muttering a dampening spell, and began to walk toward Gryffindor tower.

Sirius watched after him, finishing two more cigarettes before heading towards the castle himself.


	25. In Which Some Rather Unfortunate Plans are Laid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys meet to finish planning their prank on the Slytherins, and tensions become higher.

Sirius waited impatiently by the hearth in the common room, tapping his foot against the stone floor. Tonight they would be pranking the Slytherins, which would normally put the Animagus in a great mood, but the fact that Fabian Prewett would be involved instead put him in a sour state.

He wanted to be the kind of person that could just be happy for Remus, but the fact that Fabian seemed to delight in rubbing his nose in the fact that the werewolf was with him instead of Sirius was making that difficult. Besides, he was only human; no one could be altruistic one hundred percent of the time.

On the stairs, Sirius could hear footsteps. Every few steps, the sound stopped, giving way instead to hushed laughter and kisses. Remus and Fabian, then. The Animagus felt sick with jealousy. 

Remus’s breath caught as Fabian leaned down to kiss his neck.

“Someone’s going to catch us if we don’t hurry up,” he hissed. His boyfriend offered no response, preferring to make his way slowly back to Remus’s mouth instead. 

Fabian thoroughly ravished Remus’s mouth, running his fingers through his hair. “I can’t help it,” he purred against the younger boy’s lips, “you’re so cute right now.”

Sirius grit his teeth at the whispers, gripping the arms of the chair he sat in tightly. Didn’t they realize he was hearing all of this?

“I’ll still be just as cute after the prank, Fay,” Remus said dryly. “Come on, they’re probably waiting for us downstairs.” 

“Nah,” Fabian said good naturedly, giving his boyfriend a wink, “I think then you’ll be even cuter.” 

Remus laughed--giggled, really--and took Fabian’s hand.

“Shut up. Let’s get downstairs before the rest of the Marauders start wondering what happened to me.” 

Fabian pouted playfully, squeezing Remus’s hand. “Can you blame me for wanting you all to myself for a little bit?” He pecked his boyfriend on the cheek, “Maybe we can go somewhere private after the prank…?” His voice was pitched low, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Sirius cleared his throat loudly, making sure the couple in the stairwell could hear him. “Are you two ready or what?” he called, trying to keep his tone measured. 

“Coming!” Remus pulled Fabian close, tilting his head up to whisper a promise in his ear. “We’ll see about that.”

The two boys walked quickly down the final few stairs, emerging into the Common Room out of breath and slightly dishevelled.

“Hey, Pa--Sirius. You ready?” Remus asked, his heart doing a strange, aborted flip at the sight of his friend. 

Sirius didn't meet Remus's eyes, trying to ignore the way the Head Boy had his arm possessively around the werewolf's waist. "I've been ready for the past half hour. Just been waiting for you and the others," he muttered, voice sounding dull even to his own ears.

“Right. Sorry about that, we were just…”

“...working on the patrol schedule for the month,” Fabian supplied. Remus pursed his lips in a useless attempt to hide his embarrassment, as his face flushed slightly pink. 

“Right,” Sirius said, locking eyes challengingly with Fabian’s, “I heard you working quite diligently on that.”

The Head Boy puffed his chest up, glaring at Sirius. “I bet you did.” Remus narrowed his eyes at the tone in Fabian’s voice.

“Where are James and Pete?” he asked, quickly changing the subject. Sirius shrugged, checking the clock.

“Dunno… They should’ve been here by now…”

As if on cue, James and Peter came in to the common room, arms laden with food from the kitchens.

"Sorry we're late, lads," James said cheerfully. "Pete and I were getting provisions!"

Fabian smiled at the latecomers. “So, how exactly do we go about this?” He snaked an arm around Remus’s waist as he said it, as if to quietly convey that they would be going about it together, however they did it. 

Sirius grit his teeth, averting his gaze. "Well," he said, "we'll need a way in, which means a distraction..." 

“Me again, I’m guessing?” Peter sounded a bit resigned at the thought. He was often employed as a distraction, mainly because he was brilliant at it--he knew exactly when to “break his leg,” when to throw a dungbomb, and when to give an impromptu performance of Bohemian Rhapsody. Consequently, however, he was often absent for the actual pranks themselves. 

Sirius shook his head, looking like he had a bad taste in his mouth. “No,” he said quietly, “me. I think it’s time I pay my dear little brother a visit…” 

Peter looked at Sirius with a mixture of concern and surprise.

“Are you sure?” the words came from two directions, and Remus and Peter both moving forward slightly as if to hold Sirius back from some perceived precipice. 

Sirius nodded grimly, carefully not meeting Remus’s eyes. “It’s the best plan,” he insisted. “I distract Regulus and while the entrance to the Slytherin common room is open, someone sneaks in and puts the soap in their showers.” Even James was looking at him with concern now.

“What?” the long haired boy asked, finally looking at the faces around him. “What’s everyone’s problem?” 

“It’s just...are you sure this is a good reason to talk to Regulus, Pads?” James’ brow furrowed, and he crossed his arms over his chest as if to fend off an argument that hadn’t even begun.

Sirius held his head high, pretending that he hadn’t even heard James speak.

“He has a point, Sirius,” Remus said carefully, his eyes cast downward.

The pureblood frowned, crossing his arms over his chest as he finally met Remus’s eyes. “If you have a better idea to get into the Slytherin dorms, I’d love to hear it.” Remus bit his lip, but stayed silent.

“So, that’s it then. Sirius is our distraction. The rest of us know what to do, I think?” Peter said, the final word rising in pitch as if to seek approval--he wasn’t generally the leader, but this was a uniquely strained situation and he was the only one with any remaining finesse.

“Good,” Sirius said, still looking at Remus defiantly, “so it’s settled.”

“Right,” Remus said. “No use waiting around then, is there?” His gaze finally flicked up, locking with Sirius’s. The space between them practically crackled, and James and Peter glanced at each other worriedly.

Finally, Peter stood and headed for the portrait.

“Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating, but life happens! We hope you enjoy this chapter :)


	26. Fic Completion!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Information on how/when I will be completing "Growing Pains"--and how you can help!

Hello, readers!

It's been a while since the last update, I know. Unfortunately life, mental health, education, and a dozen other things got in the way of finishing, and I fell out of touch with my RP partner when she deleted her AO3 account. Thankfully, though, I'm back on my feet; I started college today, I've been on testosterone for 6+months, and I have a lovely emotional support animal giving me a helping paw when things get rough.

I'm sure you're more concerned about the fic, though. Over the past few months I've received numerous requests to complete GP, and now I would like to do that! However, I will need support from you, my lovely fanbase. I'm currently in a LDR with a boy named Elijah (aka Sirius Black reincarnated). He's working two jobs in order to come over to the States and see me, and I'm contributing what I can from my allowance while I'm at school, but due to life circumstances eating both of our incomes, it's nearly impossible to get the money together in time for him to come over for my birthday/Halloween, which has been our plan for months. Because of this, I'm trying to devote any spare time I have between classes and volunteer work to doing things that will bring in some extra money, enabling Elijah to come over at the end of October as planned.

[We've started a YouCaring, which can be found here](https://www.youcaring.com/me-634551). _For every five pounds ($6.55) donated to our fundraiser **with the note "For Growing Pains,"** I will write one more chapter._

Additional info on the fundraiser:

  * **I currently have 15 chapters outlined.** If more than 75 pounds are donated with Growing Pains specified, I will add a two chapter epilogue about either Marlene and Dorcas or James and Lily (feel free to vote for one or the other in your donation note). If we get to 100 pounds of GP donations, I'll write both!
  * **You are still eligible for the other "prize."** For every 5 pounds you donate, you also get to request a cosplay gif/video/photo set of Drarry, Wolfstar, or Enjoltaire from me and Elijah! We're pretty great cosplayers, so that should be extra motivation. You can also get 15% off a Pride beanie on my friend Emi's Etsy store when she sets it up--more info to come on that
  * **You _don't_ have to donate the whole 5 pounds. ** You can donate as little or as much as you want; I'll add donations that specify that they're for GP together, so you can donate 3 and someone else can donate 2, and I'll write one more chapter



The additional chapters will be posted in a sequel to this fic, out of respect for the fact that my coauthor is no longer collaborating. The plot for the story is basically the same as had been planned originally, though, and since my writing skills have matured in the past year, I think it will be pretty great!

Thank you so much for your support, and please comment any questions you may have!

~James/gaymarauders

 


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